A Perfectly Normal Pastor’s Family Is Imperfect

As for Colton, he’ll turn eleven this month and in September will enter the sixth grade. He’s a regular kid in every way.

—HEAVEN IS FOR REAL, 154

Sonja

As we write this book, Colton’s still a “regular kid,” and now he’s a teenager. Which means that, like every teenager, he has his faults and eccentricities. He is very matter-of-fact and precise. When I’m away from home and call to ask him what time he went to bed the night before, he may say, “Nine thirty-one.” Not “around nine thirty,” not “a little before ten,” but “nine thirty-one.”

It makes me laugh. It’s one of his endearing qualities that we’ve seen all his life. Throughout the years since he started telling us about his visit to heaven, if we said anything that didn’t quite jive with what he had seen or experienced there, he was quick to correct us. Like the time Todd asked Colton what he did in heaven “when it got dark.”

Colton wasn’t having it. He said, “It doesn’t get dark in heaven, Dad! Who told you that?”

If only he could be so particular about his household chores! But no, he’s an ordinary teenager, pushing the envelope occasionally. Not long ago, I got suspicious about the condition of his clothes. Todd and I want our kids to grow up learning to be independent, so as soon as they are ten years old, they do their own laundry. At least once a week, they either wash, dry, and put away their own clothes, or they go naked or stink. Those are the choices.

At least that’s how it’s supposed to work. But a year or so ago I wasn’t seeing any evidence that Colton was doing his laundry. A week went by, and there were no Colton clothes in the laundry room. Another week, and still nothing.

Finally I asked Colton, “What’s the deal with your laundry? Have you washed your clothes?”

He assured me all was well: “I’ve got it covered, Mom.”

Hmmm. That wasn’t exactly the answer I was looking for.

“What do you mean you’ve got it covered? Have you washed your clothes?” I asked again.

“It’s okay, Mom. I took care of it,” he said confidently.

“Colton! Have you washed your clothes?”

“Mom, really. It’s okay. I Axed everything.”

“You what?!”

“I Axed it—you know, sprayed everything with Axe.”

In case you don’t have a teenage boy in your house, Axe is a men’s body spray that’s very trendy right now. Not exactly what moms have in mind as a substitute for washing a teenage boy’s laundry.

That day Colton and his mother and a very large, stinky load of laundry had what we call in our house a “come to Jesus” moment: a session of confession, apology, and then action—in Colton’s case, an afternoon spent doing his laundry.

Like I said, Colton’s a regular kid. A good kid: polite, fun, strong in his faith, good musician, and a good athlete—but occasionally ornery too. He’s a reminder to us that God uses ordinary people, and sometimes the least expected people, to do his work on earth.

Not that Colton can be compared with Jesus and the work he did, but, being the mother of two sons, sometimes I wonder about Jesus as a boy. The Bible tells us he was “fully human” (Hebrews 2:17 NIV),” and that makes me wonder if, as a youngster, he might have frustrated his mother, Mary, now and then—and I’m not just talking about the time he went missing as the family was traveling home with a crowd from Jerusalem and they later found him teaching in the temple. I’m wondering if there were times when he didn’t carry in the water jugs when he was supposed to or maybe stayed too long at a friend’s house, riding stick horses or climbing trees, or if he and his friends were caught playing on the riverbank when they’d been told not to go there without an adult.

When I get to heaven, I may just ask Mary, “Did Jesus ever get spanked or have to do a time-out?”

I know Jesus never sinned, but he was still a boy!

While moms and dads are always on the lookout for our kids’ misbehaviors (and perhaps occasionally sniffing their gym clothes to see if they’re being washed or Axed), I was reminded recently that we also need to keep an eye out for those thoughtful and helpful things they do as well. Another independence-training thing we practice in our family is that, as soon as our kids could read reasonably well, they started ordering for themselves when we eat out at a restaurant. Usually Todd and I order, and then the server may ask us “And the kids?”

Todd answers, “They’ll order for themselves,” and they do.

In our little town, the restaurants serve home-style food; it’s not like the kids have to be able to read French or Italian or figure out some fancy menu descriptions. So it’s not a problem for Cassie and Colton, but Colby, at seven, still needs help occasionally, especially if we go to a new place. What we hope he’ll do is ask us, or ask the server, for help if there are words he can’t figure out. But he wants to be a big guy, like his teenage siblings, so he usually sees that option as a last resort.

But recently a friend pointed out to us that when we’re in a restaurant where Colby’s not familiar with the menu, Colton will find out what Colby wants and then help him order it.

To be honest, this surprised me. I had just told this friend that Colton tended to pick on Colby, like some big brothers are known to do. That’s when she reminded me what had happened when we had been in a Quizno’s the day before. When we were in line, our friend Debbie pointed out that Colton told the order-taker, “And my brother will have . . .”

I had totally overlooked that little deed of kindness (probably remembering instead that Colton had made fun of Colby later for ketchup on his cheek or shredded cheese on his lap). But it was true. He did order for his younger brother.

Just as an aside to give you another glimpse into our ordinary family, I insisted that our kids write down three goals for the year. A couple of them wrote down that they would read their Bible every day. One of Colby’s goals is to take a shower every day—a goal for which we’re all thankful.

My point in writing this reading is to nudge you to look for the good in people, especially your kids, and also to remind you that the people around you—your friends and family members and even strangers—may be as “ordinary” as you are and yet, in God’s eyes, they’re special creations that he may be using to touch a life for good. That ordinary person doing God’s work might even be you!

People like to be appreciated. Whose deed of kindness can you thank someone for before today ends? Who knows? It might be your child’s.

She did an excellent thing for me. . . . I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached in all the world, what this woman has done will be told, and people will remember her.

—Mark 14:6, 9 NCV