A Mixture Of Faith And Doubt

“But you were in the operating room, Colton,” I said. “How could you know what we were doing?”

“’Cause I could see you,” Colton said matter-of-factly. “I went up out of my body and I was looking down and I could see the doctor working on my body. And I saw you and Mommy. You were in a little room by yourself, praying; and Mommy was in a different room, and she was praying and talking on the phone.”

—HEAVEN IS FOR REAL, XX–XXI

Todd

I’d like to say that when Colton first told us about his visit to heaven, I listened joyfully with a receptive mind and open heart.

But that’s not what happened. I wasn’t prepared for that kind of conversation with my son. Nothing in my past—no relationship, no conversation, and no class in college—had taught me how to talk with my toddler about visiting heaven.

You might think that, as a pastor, I would shout hallelujah and praise God for the glory my young son had witnessed. But let’s be honest: Colton’s story about seeing angels was hard to process and hard to accept, even for his pastor-daddy.

We were driving through the night to visit family several hours away when Colton told us he’d visited heaven. After some immediate surprise, the rest of the family fell asleep, and I drove through the night, thinking about what my toddler had said. To be honest, I spent most of that long night in an emotional, mental struggle.

The truth was, pastor-Daddy was struggling with faith and doubt.

As the miles passed beneath us, I tried to come up with some other explanation for what had happened to Colton.

Finally, as we pulled into our family’s driveway in South Dakota, the word real was pushing its way into my head. But it was still embedded in doubt. I kept asking, Could this be real?

Ever been in that wrestling ring, struggling with faith and doubt? Ever wanted to believe heaven is real but then got stopped by that word but? Join the crowd.

But, fellow wrestler, here’s the good news: God is patient with us strugglers.

Okay, so you’re struggling. God understands. He knows you can’t see what’s waiting for you around the corner—not to mention next week or next year. But God is good at working with strugglers. Because he created us he knows where our tendency to question comes from.

The Bible tells about a dad just like me, a desperate dad who asked Jesus to heal his son. “If you can do anything, do it!” the father begged Jesus.

“If?” Jesus said—and I’ll bet he raised his eyebrows when he said it.

The dad wanted to believe, desperately wanted to believe. But he was struggling. He asked Jesus to help him believe.

Jesus could have said, “Come back when you get your act together,” or “Come back when you know what you believe,” or, “When you get everything figured out, then come back.”

But what he could have done and what he did were two different things.

All Jesus heard was that dad’s simple cry: “Help me believe.”

He’ll hear that same prayer if it comes from you too.

Here is a simple prayer for you to consider praying: “Dear God, I want to believe. Please be patient with me, and help me when I struggle. Help my unbelief.”

“ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

—Mark 9:23–24 NIV