The Slippery Slope

When you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. Matthew 6:17-18, NIV

IT WAS ONE of the most interesting time periods of my life. I had vowed to wear one gray dress. The same one. For 180 days straight. Rain or shine. For better or worse. Like a crazy person.

What led me to this? I was intrigued by The Uniform Project, a fundraising effort started by one woman who wore one black dress for one year. In doing so, she leveraged fashion for awareness and for the education of underprivileged children in India.^a Could I do something like this for the complexity and tragedy of the sex-trafficking industry that was growing in my own backyard?

After finding the dress, securing the timetable, and summoning courage from friends, I set out to wear one simple gray dress for six months. I fasted from buying any more clothing and just shopped my own closet for variation.

The whole endeavor was really fun for the first two months. Friends dropped off belts and shoes to borrow. Money was raised. CNN called me for an interview.

But I had found myself on a slippery slope: me-centered publicity and sex-trafficking-centered education. This fast from clothing quickly went south in my heart several times and became for my glory and recognition. Jesus warns us about this temptation in today’s Scripture.

This fast was not a secret but a very public proposition. And my cute gray dress may have often looked like filthy rags to my King. During the final month, I was sobered by my journey, and looking back, I wondered what it was all for. I had hoped to be seen so that the unseen could be rescued, but I was seen more than they were.

What I know now, so many years later, is that a quiet fast from food is much harder and much more intimate with God than my public fashion fast. And so much better for my soul. I love how Russell Moore puts it in his book Tempted and Tried: “We’d rather be fed than fathered.”^b Ain’t that the truth. I wanted to be filled by the praise of others rather than fathered by the King of kings.

The longer I practice fasting from food in the quiet of my own soul, the more precious that experience of God becomes to me. And that grace fills me more than any applause or CNN interview could any day.

I long to be a woman who fasts, with prayer, to know God deeper and to deny my flesh longer. I want to practice fasting to seek the Father’s heart, not my own happiness. As we practice fasting, let’s not starve for attention; let’s starve for the King.

GRACE REFLECTION: Choose a meal or an entire day this week to fast and pray. Remember that fasting without prayer is starvation. Seek God’s heart to know Him more, hear His voice, and be filled by Him in your life.