Two Hands Full

I HAVE TO SHARE A STORY that is embarrassing, not because it happened once, but because this has been a pattern for years. And it’s one I’m just now noticing.

We sat on Vana’s floor looking for a shirt that actually fit as I barked at both my girls to hurry up and get dressed. I was getting increasingly frustrated that they weren’t following orders like a well-trained infantry and instead were acting like a total toddler and a baby (even though that’s precisely what they were). I just wanted them to move faster, and I could feel my anger welling up with each minute that passed.

After a while I just couldn’t take the tension inside me anymore. I wanted to identify the reason I was angry so I could replace it with truth. I had been here too many times to count, and the result was what felt like a never-ending slope of misfortune. First came the yelling. Then the tears. Then we were late. Then the car ride was just dreadful, and . . . you get the idea.

On that particular day, here’s the lie I was believing: that I could do more than I needed to do and that my kids were supposed to keep up with my ridiculous pace. I believed that I could sloth around for an hour or two, distracted by my phone, instead of figuring out a game plan for the day. Then I decided we would take on the whole world on a Friday morning (you know, go to Costco, Home Depot, and Whole Foods, and find the perfect outfit for me for an upcoming event). As soon as my plan was formulated, I no longer had patience for the completely typical five minutes it takes Vivi to get her shoes on.

I had created a plan, albeit late in the game, and I expected that everyone had gotten the memo.

This was a pivotal moment for me. When I realized that my grumpiness was caused by the lie that I am a victim to busyness rather than one who is choosing busyness, I was able to relax. I was not going to make my kids suffer for my own choice to cram a lot into the morning. When I’m a victim to busyness, I see my children as bystanders who, if I go down, will go down with me. Maybe it’s not that deliberate, but the end result is the same. If momma has to hurry, we all have to pick up the pace. But the truth is, I didn’t have to hurry. I made that choice on my own.

Instead of feeling like a victim, I am trying to cling to Ecclesiastes 4:6: “Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind” (NIV). How full are your hands today? Maybe you’ve tried to cram more into a day than you should. If so, my bet is that this has led to yelling and frustration. And when it’s all over, from my experience, the most depressing part is that all the striving turned out to be pointless.

I’m a go-getter, so having two hands full feels good and manageable—a way for me to reach my goals more efficiently. The problem is that this leaves no room for toddlers who keep pace with snails or for plans that get dismantled. It leaves no room for sickness and wardrobe malfunctions. What I think is the fast track is actually the very thing that’s causing the journey to be painful. And ironically, it makes me feel behind even when I’m not.

Today, do you need to empty a hand? It may feel counterintuitive—and honestly, it still does to me. But it will transform us from moms who yell and scream into patient and grace-filled moms. We’re going to be grateful for the results—and so will our kids.

ACTION STEP

If your plate is overflowing, ask God to reveal what might be toil or chasing after the wind. Commit to obey and empty a hand, regardless of what he asks you to surrender.

PRAYER

Father, I confess that I place some impossible demands on my kids sometimes, and my response when they don’t perform up to my standards makes me someone I don’t want to be. Give me wisdom and restraint to carry only what you’ve called me to handle for the day. Help me to release to someone else what is not mine to bear, or save it for another day. In Jesus’ name, amen.

MORNING QUESTIONS

TAKEAWAY TODAY | What impossible demands do you put on your kids?

What would it look like to open your hand and release something that isn’t yours to bear?

DREADING TODAY | Is there anything you’re dreading today?

REDEFINING TODAY | If so, what is another way you can view that thing you’re dreading?

ASKING GOD TODAY | What request are you bringing before the Lord today?

EVENING QUESTIONS

REFLECTION | Were you able to let go of anything that was “chasing after the wind” today? What did that feel like?

LITTLE VICTORIES | Where did you see God show up even in small ways, reminding you that you aren’t alone?

WHITE FLAG MOMENTS | When did you want to hide or escape today?

MEMORY OF THE DAY | What do you want to relish and thank God for?