Dark Night Of The Busy Soul

I WAS HAVING WHAT I can only describe as a dark night of the soul. My mind was constantly being bombarded with lies, and I couldn’t escape them. They were leaving me depressed, hopeless, and exhausted. I wanted to shut off the lies, but I couldn’t seem to overcome them.

I had planned to meet some friends downtown for sushi. I knew the twenty-five-minute drive would be too much for my mind to handle alone with my thoughts, so I called my friend Megan. She asked what I needed, and I immediately burst into tears. I needed her to pray. And she did. Megan finished her prayer right as I was pulling up to dinner, and when I found my friends, my face was still tearstained and my eyes were still moist.

That night at dinner, I was all over the place. I felt ashamed when my friends complimented my business and couldn’t bring myself to make eye contact. In my head, I analyzed everything I said and the way I was making the rest of the group feel. My thoughts were volatile and ping-pongy and—dare I say—abusive. On the way home, again afraid to be with my thoughts, I called my mom. Her faith is big, and I needed her to speak some truth over me. And she did.

By the time I reached my doorstep, between Megan’s prayer and my mom’s dose of truth, something had shifted. There was now a quiet in my soul. Life was still undeniably chaotic, but my soul no longer was. The voices in my head that had been hurling negativity at every turn and keeping me spun up were silenced. I could breathe again.

Have you ever been in a place where you felt that kind of restlessness in your soul? I’m not just talking about busyness here but an internal war zone. My guess is that all of us have been there at some point.

We moms spend a lot of time taking care of everyone around us. We devote untold energy trying to declutter our homes and schedules (which I’m all about), but if we aren’t protecting our souls, it won’t do us any long-term good.

There’s a reason we forget to tend to our souls. It’s because our souls whisper when the rest of the world yells. In our hunt to extinguish the loudest dissonant noise, our souls don’t even register a blip on the radar. On top of that, soul-tending provides no outward reward. The world sees if I’ve emptied the dishwasher or passed a test or paid the bills, but it doesn’t really notice what’s happening in my soul. That means no one can praise me for the work I’m doing there.

I know, this talk of souls may feel a little weird, but the Bible is full of verses about the soul. So I want you to take a deep breath this morning and check the pace of your insides. Matthew 16:26 says, “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (ESV). The value Jesus puts on our souls puts things in perspective for me. Though I might gain the earthly profit of finished chores and public applause, that’s a clear loss if I end up forfeiting my soul.

The morning after my dark night of the soul was a revival of sorts. Though the day was anything but leisurely, on the inside I felt like I was deep-breathing on a massage table. It was a good reminder that I can experience peace even if my schedule doesn’t slow down. If I allow the Lord to shift the pace of my soul, I can enjoy an unhurried pace no matter how crazy my circumstances get.

There are some things we will simply never be able to change. And if we spend all our energy fighting to change them, we may miss out on the greater benefit of reorienting our souls. I don’t necessarily want an immaculately minimalistic life. I just want to feel like my insides are firm and not so squishy. And that, momma, is the official medical term for a soul at rest. Here’s to cultivating healthy souls that are “firm and not so squishy.”

ACTION STEP

Before you prune a busy schedule, take time to see what your soul needs. Read these verses about the soul: Psalm 42:11; Psalm 62:1; and Jeremiah 6:16.

PRAYER

Father, slow me down—not just my schedule or my physical being, but my soul. Let the steadiness of my insides flow out and bring peace even when circumstances bring chaos. In Jesus’ name, amen.

MORNING QUESTIONS

TAKEAWAY TODAY | Have you ever had a dark night of the soul? What did that experience feel like?

What would you say your soul needs most right now?

DREADING TODAY | Is there anything you’re dreading today?

REDEFINING TODAY | If so, what is another way you can view that thing you’re dreading?

ASKING GOD TODAY | What request are you bringing before the Lord today?

EVENING QUESTIONS

REFLECTION | Were there any moments today when your soul was at rest?

LITTLE VICTORIES | Where did you see God show up even in small ways, reminding you that you aren’t alone?

WHITE FLAG MOMENTS | When did you want to hide or escape today?

MEMORY OF THE DAY | What do you want to relish and thank God for?