Jacob

The Penitent Trickster

READ Genesis 33:1–11

There is no grudge more bitter than one between family members. Interestingly, experts teach that when someone completely cuts off another, refusing to have anything to do with them, it’s a sign of deep relational fusion. Meaning, to separate from a person fused to your emotions, you cut them off because they are too close to your trigger points.^* This makes sense, doesn’t it? If another person exists in a purely neutral space, they won’t cause much of a reaction.

The twin grandsons of Abraham and Sarah, born to their long-awaited son, Isaac, portrayed the bitter grudges that can arise between family members. Even before Jacob and Esau were born, God said of these fated twins, “The older will serve the younger” (Genesis 25:23). Esau grew up to be a man of the open country, a skilled hunter. Their father, Isaac, loved Esau, but their mother, Rebekah, loved Jacob, who preferred “to stay at home among the tents” (v. 27).

Jacob was clever, and he took advantage of Esau’s weakness and hunger, trading him a meal of stew for Esau’s birthright, thereby usurping Esau’s firstborn status. At Rebekah’s bidding, Jacob later tricked Isaac into giving him the blessing that Isaac had intended for Esau. This led to Esau holding a bitter grudge against Jacob, even to the point of plotting to kill him after their father died (27:41).

Fearing for her son’s life, Rebekah sent Jacob to her relatives, and Jacob stayed away from home for twenty years. During that time, he married Rachel and Leah and acquired flocks and herds. But he also did some growing. Jacob experienced trickery and mistreatment from his uncle Laban, giving him a taste of the medicine he had earlier served to Esau. He also had a life-changing encounter with God. God appeared to Jacob and reaffirmed his promises to Abraham through Jacob’s line. These promises included the land of Canaan and a great number of descendants who would become a blessing for all peoples (28:13–15).

Growing discontent with Laban, Jacob set out for home with his family and animals. He was unsure of the welcome he would receive from his brother, and he prayed to God for help. He also sent a rich gift of livestock ahead in the hope of assuaging Esau’s anger (32:9–18).

Finally, the day of the reunion arrived. Jacob arranged his servants, children, and flocks in groups. He went ahead, bowing down seven times as he approached his brother, Esau. Would Esau still want to kill him?

Instead, Esau ran to Jacob, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. After twenty years of separation, the twins were reunited. Jacob said to Esau, “To see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably” (33:10).

There’s an oft-repeated saying that “time heals all wounds.” That’s not quite true, of course. The rift between Jacob and Esau wasn’t healed by time alone, but by personal growth and humility.

The Bible doesn’t tell us what those twenty years were like for Esau. We can only imagine what experiences he had as he grew. Surely he went through trials and hardships as well as joys and successes. For Jacob’s part, the hard years—paired with God’s ongoing faithfulness and promises to sustain him—changed him from impertinent trickster to penitent brother. This change of character opened the door for restoration and reconciliation.

You can probably think of family members or friends whose relationships have gone sour. I know of brothers who have not spoken to each other in years and won’t even speak about each other. It’s a bit like the Pixar movie Encanto,^* where the family members all agree, “We don’t talk about Bruno.” God’s Word invites us to take an audit of our own relationships. Are there people you have wronged or held grudges against? This may not take the form of complete cutoff; sometimes it looks like harboring ill thoughts or resentment toward someone close to you without even letting them know. Do you hold on to these resentments and nurture hidden bitterness?

God wants more for you. Christ came to bring abundant life (John 10:10). This includes healed relationships. Healing and change take time—for Jacob and Esau, reconciliation took twenty long years. Hopefully it won’t be quite so long for you. As it was for Jacob, healing will involve some humility. It will mean letting go of ego and pride to sincerely apologize for anything you’ve done wrong. This will hurt, but like Eustace letting Aslan scrape off his dragon scales in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, peeling away the “old self”^* by God’s grace will open the path to true transformation and restored relationships.

Who do you need to forgive or be reconciled with? Start close: family. Even if you’re not separated like Jacob and Esau, are there unresolved issues you need to work through? Come with humility. Paul wrote that God has given us a ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:19). Forgiveness toward one another should be as complete as Christ’s forgiveness for us (Colossians 3:13).

This is a picture of God restoring the world to him through the reconciling work of Christ at the cross. When we are reconciled to one another, we continue to work out the effects of Christ’s redemption in our lives. Our moments of reconciliation serve as signposts pointing others to the all-encompassing work of Christ.