When Your Husband Has Given Up

When Your Husband Has Given Up

Lysa TerKeurst

The rejection. The harsh words. The absence of intimacy. The questions. The lack of answers.

My heart aches for anyone in a struggling marriage. I’ve been there. Many of us have. But I think the deepest hurt comes when one spouse gives up while the other is still trying. A panic arises to somehow make the other person wake up, get them to reengage, and help both of you fix this relationship.

A situation like this is much too complicated for simple answers. But might I give you one stepping-stone upon which to stand in order to stop the panic and balance yourself?

Decide today that you are worthy.

Because you are. Worthy. You may not feel like it. But a quick glimpse at Psalm 139 assures me, you are. And I’d rather depend on the solid truth of God than a roller coaster of fickle feelings.

You are beautiful and captivating and attractive and smart and capable. But if you are in a relationship full of unmet expectations, unresolved issues, and frustrating communication, I suspect you feel a little less than that.

Broken-down relationships can break down a woman. And if you’re like me, when you feel broken down, those around you get your worst. Then, upon all the hurt and anxiety, you layer regret and shame. You start to feel like you’ve lost yourself—lost that girl inside you who used to be strong, happy, and ready to take on the world. The only way to recapture her is to come up for air and remember you are worthy. Then you can act worthy.

Step aside from the emotional yuck to make some levelheaded decisions. Get a plan. Talk to wise people who love you and will walk this tough journey with you. Draw some boundaries with your husband, if needed. Pray like crazy for clear discernment.

Remember, you can’t control how he acts and reacts, but you can control how you act and react. Reclaim who you are.

I pray your relationship survives. I pray it with every fiber of my being. But if it doesn’t, I pray most of all that the beautiful woman you are rises above all the yuck, still clinging tightly to the only opinion that matters—from the One who forever calls you worthy.

Dear Lord, my marriage is struggling. I’m struggling. Help me, please. I need to hold on to Your truths that I am worthy. And God, please show me what steps to take to support my marriage. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

REMEMBER

You are worthy. God says so.

REFLECT

What has happened this week that makes you feel unworthy?

RESPOND

Memorize Psalm 139:14: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

POWER VERSES

Isaiah 54:10; 2 Thessalonians 3:16