When People Drive You Crazy

When People Drive You Crazy

Luann Prater

The apostle Paul’s challenge in Romans 12 is to do everything we can to live at peace with everyone. Easier said than done, right?

One way God helps me do this is by regularly placing what I call “grinders” in my life. Grinders are people who grind me until all my shine is worn away. They drive me crazy!

Not long ago, I met a woman I’ll call Sue, who decided she must become my best friend. We didn’t have much in common, but that didn’t stop Sue from calling, texting, and emailing—first occasionally, then constantly. She thought I could fill a hole in her life. Unfortunately, her behavior began to wear a hole in mine.

When I didn’t have time to talk or respond, she became agitated and hurt. It was obvious this friendship was capsizing and in need of a checkup. When a relationship like this begins to wear me out, absorb my life, or create chaos, I ask myself three questions.

Have I listened with compassion and responded in love? It’s important to evaluate my behavior to see if I’m contributing to the toxicity in the relationship. Every situation has many factors and owning my part is key.

What limits do I need to set? I decide what’s healthy for me and draw a line there. How much time can I reasonably give? What am I willing to sacrifice to invest in this relationship? I pray that God will help me to establish and maintain those boundaries and then I discuss and define them with my grinder.

Is it time to walk away? Paul uses an important phrase, “If it is possible …” That means there may be times when it’s not possible. I may need to part ways with someone for a season. God can redeem anything and often He brings folks back together after a time of separation.

As for Sue, I asked myself if I’d listened with compassion and responded in love. I prayed for God to highlight my behavior and point out any flaws in my reactions. He showed me some boundaries I needed to set with Sue in order to live at peace with her.

I took her to lunch and apologized for not being clear with my limits and time constraints. We prayed together and asked God to fill the empty places in both of our lives. She appreciated the honesty and promised to honor our newly set boundary lines. Instead of sinking, our friendship became a sweet treasure.

Confronting difficult people is hard, but important. We do it to limit the negative impact they have on us and to live at peace with them. Our first step is putting our focus on the Prince of Peace and then on our own behavior.

Dear Lord, it’s easy to fall into relationships that grind away my strength. Refocus my attention on You and show me how You want me to respond. Teach me how to set healthy boundaries in all of my relationships. May I always reflect Your Son. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

REMEMBER

Sometimes you need to set boundaries in order to live at peace with others.

REFLECT

Have you listened with compassion and responded in love? What limits do you need to set? Is it time to walk away?

RESPOND

Write down a list of any grinders in your life right now. Walk through the three steps above for one of those people and then pray for him or her.

POWER VERSES

Romans 14:19; Proverbs 16:7