Day 2

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” (Proverbs 4:23, ESV)

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35, ESV)

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12, ESV)

It’s possible you may have picked up the idea that emotional intelligence is pink and squishy. That it’s nice for people who want to sit around in group therapy and maybe sing “Kumbaya” while shaking a rain stick. But what about the rest of us, who want to get stuff done for the Kingdom of God?

Maybe you’re wondering,

• Is “emotional health” actually self-infatuation or self-indulgence—when instead we should be denying ourselves, forgetting ourselves?
• Is emotional intelligence really a psychobabble term for going soft in places where Christians should retain fortitude despite how we feel?
• Aren’t our hearts deceitful and sick (Jeremiah 17:9), so maybe we shouldn’t be listening to them at all?

I wager the opposite, on all counts.

We all parent out of our own health or dysfunction, from truth or from our trauma (*). If we are to deny ourselves and live Jesus’ way, we must take the time to discern—to listen for—the healthy or dysfunctional responses within ourselves. We need an examined life, one undeceived by our hearts. In order to “let love be genuine” (Romans 12:9), we must intimately decipher which parts of our hearts are authentic and which are false.

In other words, following Jesus demands that we grow toward emotional health. And parenting has demanded that John and I prioritize soul-level healing and health.

Intriguingly, John Calvin asserts that the “sum of true wisdom” is namely “the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” Without this, separating our inner selves from God, we offer a “false show of righteousness.” He goes on, “Without knowledge of self there is no knowledge of God” (*).

We’ve all known Christians whose “righteousness” doesn’t seem to address what’s really going on inside. Sadly, they can be some of the most offensive representations of Jesus on the planet.

That’s because spiritual health invites us not just to know about God but to usher him into our deepest parts. We bring unresolved questions and uncomfortable emotions into our worship: “All that is within me, bless his holy name!” (Psalm 103:1, emphasis added). We can’t just leave the bad stuff outside, sniffling or grabbing a smoke.

Emotional health is the difference between raising kids who hide from you and kids who run to you with the ugly truth—because they’ve watched you do it with God first. The Oxford English Dictionary defines emotional intelligence as “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically” (*). Or in plain English, I’d describe it as understanding and empathetically managing how we and others feel and applying that knowledge with love and intentionality. Oxford says that the phrase has only existed since 1849.

But isn’t this the kind of love Scripture has been about from the beginning?

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.