Day By Day #17

Day by Day #17

MORNING/MIDDAY OFFICE

Silence and Stillness before God (2 minutes)

Scripture Reading: Hebrews 5:7–8

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered.

Devotional

The way we express and respond to certain emotions is directly related to how these emotions were handled in our family of origin. If your parents or caregivers limited their range of acceptable emotions, it naturally follows that you would do the same.

Children who are not allowed to express certain feelings tend to conclude something like this: “If these emotions are unacceptable, then there is no reason to feel them in the first place.” They also begin to pick up on the family’s unwritten rules, such as “good people smile a lot,” and “a loving person doesn’t get angry.” When children then carry these unwritten rules into adulthood, they create relational barriers that stifle authenticity and meaningful connection.

Unfortunately, some Christian communities reinforce this crippling approach, perpetuating a culture in which people routinely deal with distressing feelings in muddled and undifferentiated ways. The result is that many Christians feel unspiritual for attempting to sort out or express their feelings.

We tend to emphasize joyfulness, overcoming obstacles, and being strong in Christ. We are told to rejoice even when sad or angry. And we are certainly not to share our fears since the Bible is filled with commands not to fear. We might even consider these emotions to be practically synonymous with sin. We hope that by suppressing and ignoring them, they might somehow disappear. In doing so, we are a long way from the example of Jesus, who offered up “fervent cries and tears to [his Father]” (Hebrews 5:7–8).

This superficial and incomplete understanding of Scripture severely stunts our spiritual growth and our ability to love well. It also erodes any possibility of developing authentic Christian community. We build walls of separation and cannot truly see one another. We fear vulnerability and lie about what is going on inside us. So, instead of inviting people to become more fully alive, we unintentionally create a religious subculture that constricts and deprives people from experiencing the full range of their God-given humanity.^a

Question to Ponder

Growing up, what messages did you pick up from your family about anger, sadness, and fear? How have those messages impacted you as an adult?

Prayer

Father, I admit that I prefer to ignore my pain and skim over my fears, and that I am often embarrassed to openly share with you what is going on inside me—as if you don’t know it all anyway. Transform me, Lord, that I might be vulnerable and honest—with you, with myself, and with others. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Conclude with Silence (2 minutes)

MIDDAY/EVENING OFFICE

Silence and Stillness before God (2 minutes)

Scripture Reading: Psalm 32:8–10

            I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

               I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

            Do not be like the horse or the mule,

               which have no understanding

            but must be controlled by bit and bridle

               or they will not come to you.

            Many are the woes of the wicked,

               but the LORD’s unfailing love

               surrounds the one who trusts in him.

Devotional

When it comes to exploring our emotions, we might wonder something like this: If I allow myself to feel all my emotions all the time, won’t it lead to irrational behavior? Or worse, lead me down wrong roads in my following Jesus? How can I discern God’s will and God’s leading if my feelings are unreliable?

The answers to these questions might surprise you.

More than 450 years ago, Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits, developed a set of guidelines that respected the important place of our emotions in discerning God’s will. He rightly emphasized the foundation of a complete commitment to do God’s will, obey Scripture, and seek wise counsel. Yet, in addition, he provided excellent guidelines for sorting out how God speaks to us through our emotions. The issue is not, he argued, to blindly follow our feelings, but to acknowledge them as part of the way God communicates to us. Author Thomas Green explains it well:

It is essential to spiritual discernment that we be in touch with our feelings. How many of us, however, are really so in touch? How many can “name, claim, tame and aim” the feelings within us which are the raw material of discernment? Many say it is very difficult to know God since we do not see him, hear him, or touch him as we do another human being. That is true, of course, but I have become convinced that the greatest obstacle to real discernment (and to genuine growth in prayer) is not the intangible nature of God, but our own lack of self-knowledge—even our unwillingness to know ourselves as we truly are. Almost all of us wear masks, not only when facing others but even when looking in the mirror.^b

Taking the time, then, to remove those masks so we can feel deeply does not hinder our discernment, but actually positions us to hear God’s voice of love that calls out to us through our emotions.

Question to Consider

How might God be inviting you to be still today so that you may be more aware of your feelings and better hear his voice?

Prayer

Father, even though it’s hard for me, I invite you to speak to me through my emotions—to lead and guide me by helping me to be in touch with what I am truly feeling. Give me the grace to “name, claim, tame, and aim” my feelings so that I can better discern your will for my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Conclude with Silence (2 minutes)

^a See Geri Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Woman, 91–93.

^b Thomas H. Green, Weeds Among the Wheat: Discernment: Where Prayer and Action Meet (Notre Dame, Ind.: Ave Maria Press, 1984), 22.