Approval: Man-pleasers And God-pleasers

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men?

Galatians 1:10

I asked myself, Why am I always so edgy about my accomplishments when I am around Steve? Why am I always trying to prove myself to him? What is it that I am trying to prove, anyway?

We all have friends like that, people around whom we feel a need to perform if we are to gain their approval and friendship. When we’re with them, we feel tempted to rehearse all of our accomplishments. Why? Because intuitively we know that is how they rate us.

And we all have had a friend who always tells us everything he has ever done. Why is that? What motivates these kinds of behavior?

The need for approval—to be accepted and appreciated—silently forms a backdrop behind every scene played out upon the stage of life. The need for approval is inseparably fused into every decision we make, every response we give, every task we perform, every interpretation we make of what people do and say to us. So what is wrong with that? Is it such a sin to want to be liked?

Every form of aberrant behavior reveals the need for approval gone unmet. Whether marital infidelity, substance abuse, child or spouse abuse, depression, suicide, anger on the roadways, paralyzing fears, or withdrawal from friends—some need for approval gone unmet will be found. The unmet need for approval makes us sensitive to the perceived slight from a friend. It drives us to accomplish great feats so that we will gain needed appreciation from our peers.

Pleasing Men

If our self-worth rests solely upon the approval of men, we will soon wither to dust and blow away. The approval of men is not dependable. Men will take but not return. If the focus of our labor is to please and be approved by men, we will alternate between the fatigue of trying to please unpleasable masters and the disillusionment of completing thankless tasks. Still, the need for approval—to be accepted and appreciated—is compelling.

Our need for approval is the need for human dignity. The problem is that people don’t accept and appreciate us as we are, simply because of our humanity. They want more.

People approve of us only when our performance meets their expectations. A minimum threshold must be reached before they will approve us. We please men by crossing over the threshold; then they offer their approval. But if once our performance slips below the minimum line, we are out again. That’s a tough way to live, a high pressure lifestyle, and a formula for disillusionment and a poor self-image. When performance is the standard of approval, human dignity is reduced to the level of a performing seal.

To gain the needed approval and dignity, most of us conform. We learn how the system works and give people what they want: performance. But just as the motive of people is sin, so is our response. It is the way of the world, and not the way of God.

Pleasing God

God calls us to gain His approval, not man’s. “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?” (Galatians 1:10). God calls us to please Him, not men. “We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts” (1 Thessalonians 2:4). Be a God-pleaser and not a man-pleaser.

How do we please God? How do we gain His approval? God’s approval is conditioned only upon our faith and not upon our performance. That is how we please Him. Surely, out of a heart filled with gratitude, we will want to do something to please God. But this is because we have already received His unconditional approval and acceptance. It is the grateful heart, not the pressure to perform for approval, that motivates the Christian to please God.

When you and I focus upon pleasing God, our motives for performing change. Instead of contending for prestige and honor, we surrender our very being to the God who created us. Our desire is for His desire.

We become soaked in the knowledge of His will and purpose. We rest in Him because He says simply, “Come to me.” His approval is unconditioned. That was settled upon the Cross and our faith in it. Gratitude motivates our performance, not approval. Dignity, approval, and appreciation motivate men to please men through performance, but Christ gives freely for the asking.

How have you been a man-pleaser instead of a God-pleaser? Have you conditioned your self-worth upon the approval of men—men who will withhold that approval until you have measured up to their expectations? Redirect your efforts to please God.

I SURRENDER

Lord, I confess that I have been more motivated by the approval of men than by my desire to please You. As a result, my self-worth is low, because I have not measured up to the expectations of sinful men. Thank You that You have already given me Your approval. Revive me, Lord, and grant me a spirit of gratitude for the dignity You give freely to me by faith in Your finished work on the Cross. Amen.