Rude Is Rude

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”

MATTHEW 18:10

JESUS TELLS US THAT THE HEAVENLY FATHER NEVER MISSES what happens to one of his “little ones,” so we can feel certain he sees everything going on behind our walls.

Is that an encouragement, or a warning?

We need to remember that a smaller person is not “less” of a person; a younger person is not less valuable than an older person—but why as parents do we sometimes take liberties with our children that we would never take with anyone else?

Miss Manners’ take on this is as right as it is blunt:

Rudeness to children counts as rudeness. The fact that people are smaller and blood relatives does not mean that it is open season on insulting them. Besides, it teaches them the technique and thus leads to such tedious exchanges as, “Don’t you dare talk to Mommy like that,” “But that’s what you said to me,” “That’s different,” “Why is it different?” and so on. What makes it different is that when children do it, parents call it “sassing,” and when parents do it, parents call it discipline.^a

Parents who are rude to their children have forgotten that their children belong first to God. These are not our children to do with as we please; they were made by God, and he has designed a unique future for each one of them. If we complicate that future by belittling them and tearing them down instead of building them up, we work against God’s purposes—and we can be sure he will call us to account.

We’re not raising crops, nor are we caring for pet hamsters. As parents, we are called to shape and influence living human beings—made in the image of God—for whom Jesus Christ died. Our actions can have severe consequences, and we have the power to shatter these fragile beings. Some parents inflict this damage subtly, perhaps by a constant barrage of perfectionistic banter that guarantees their kids feel like they never measure up. Maybe we wound them in a passive-aggressive way, maliciously withholding the affection we know they crave, with the result that they slip into a life of promiscuity. Maybe we get too busy and by our neglect fail to train them adequately, with the result that they make poor financial or life choices and end up ruined.

Whatever our failing, the stakes couldn’t be higher—for us and our kids. A parent’s malicious act of neglect can devastate the child as much as it spiritually ruins the parent, for to become our children’s enemy is to become God’s enemy. Jesus warns us, “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18:6).

“Well,” some might say, “what if my child makes himself my enemy?” Even so, how does Jesus tell us to treat our enemies? To be rude to them? To belittle them, shame them, and make them feel small? No! Jesus says, “Love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44).

God feels so passionate about our children’s well-being that he did not spare even his own Son in his desire to secure their eternal destiny. Will a God who offered the supreme sacrifice, who paid the highest cost imaginable, fail to even notice the rude ways we respond to our children? Will a heavenly Father so engaged in their spiritual health forget to watch what is going on in our “private” homes?

According to the Bible, there is no such thing as a private home. Children have spiritual beings charged specifically with watching over their welfare: “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven” (Matthew 18:10). To invite a child into your home is to guarantee divine presence and notice. Perhaps the presence of children can remind us that we don’t live in secret; we live in full view of an active God who judges our actions.

God cares. God watches.

This week, remind yourself that God hears every conversation and sees every act. We said it before, but let’s say it again: God is in the room.

Heavenly Father, now that we know “rude is rude,” regardless of how old someone is, give us a new respect, gentleness, and patience for each one of our children. Help us to correct them in a way that honors you as an ever-present Father. In Jesus’ name, amen.