A Season Of Sacrifice

After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well.

2 CORINTHIANS 12:14–15

IN MY BOOKAUTHENTIC FAITH I TALK ABOUT HOW GOD ONCE challenged my hesitancy with the words, “What you’re really saying, Gary, is that you’re willing to act like a Christian so long as it doesn’t cost you anything.”

I’ve found the same principle at work in my parenting. I love many things about being a dad, but I sometimes have difficulty accepting the fact that parenting often costs me something. That’s the principle Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12:14–15: “After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. So I will very gladly spend for you everything I have and expend myself as well.” Though Paul is discussing finances, the extension is obvious: parents should sacrifice on behalf of their children.

Judah, father of the tribe into which Jesus would be born, faced such a sacrifice in his own family life. As his family’s food dwindled during a severe famine, Judah knew there was only one place where grain could be found: Egypt. But his brother Joseph, who controlled the grain in Egypt, had made it clear that no grain would be given unless Judah’s father, Israel, allowed Benjamin—Joseph’s brother—to come with them. Israel was terrified of losing Benjamin, so Judah made himself responsible for Benjamin’s safety: “Send the boy along with me and we will go at once. . . . I myself will guarantee his safety; you can hold me personally responsible for him. If I do not bring him back to you and set him here before you, I will bear the blame before you all my life” (Genesis 43:8–9).

Judah wasn’t the oldest son; why should he step up and make this offer? Even so, he was the only one willing to lay his own life on the line. His family’s survival depended on it. Judah stepped up and said, “I will take responsibility for this child. I’ll do whatever it takes to set him before you.”

Judah’s guarantee came at a steep cost. When Joseph framed Benjamin for stealing a silver cup, Judah offered himself as the substitute—and spent many months in jail—so that Benjamin could return safely to his father.

Judah’s sacrifice foreshadowed Jesus’ sacrifice and his guarantee of our safety. Just like Judah, Jesus stepped up and said, “I will make myself personally responsible, regardless of the cost to my own welfare.”

Now we parents, spiritual descendants of Judah and Jesus, are called to step up and make the sacrifices for our own children. Just like Judah, we are to look at our heavenly Father and say, “I will do whatever it takes to set these children before you. I will make the sacrifice; I will be engaged in their lives; I will correct them, counsel them, encourage them, and pray for them. Regardless of the cost, I will set these children before you.”

This calling gets tested every day. I’ve written before that I’m not much of a night person. I work a couple hours before breakfast. I work after breakfast. I work after lunch. By the time supper rolls around, I like to think of my day as “over.” That’s my time to relax, to take it easy, to read, maybe even to watch a little television.

That’s the way I like it—except that with teenagers, the evening is now the best time of the day to meet with them, talk with them, and spend time with them. Am I willing to be a dad as long as it doesn’t cost me my evenings, or am I willing to be a dad, regardless of the cost?

Every minute we spend with a son or daughter comes at the expense of something else we could be doing. Lisa and I have seen couples stop making these sacrifices. Their kids become chore machines and taxi customers, but the parents have decided that their kids will no longer “get in the way” of their hobbies.

Contrast this attitude with that of my friend Kevin DeVere. Kevin is a middle school principal, so he keeps fairly rigid hours. Like me, Kevin has embarked on a middle-age journey of running marathons—and the longer training runs can take three hours or more. On our drive to a half marathon, I lamented to Kevin about quitting work early to get the training runs in before dark. Then I asked Kevin what he did, given that he had a much less flexible schedule.

“I’m kind of embarrassed to say,” he said.

“Tell me,” I urged him.

“Well, when I need to run long, I get up at 3:20 a.m.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I said. “So it’s dark the entire time you’re running?”

“Yeah, but Gary, how can I come home from work at 5:00 p.m. and tell my kids, ‘Sorry, guys, but Daddy has to leave for another two hours’? There’s no way I can do that.”

Kevin is an example of a man who fits his hobby around his family rather than the other way around.

In fact, parenting may be best defined as a season of sacrifice. It ends when the children mature—but not one day before. To stop sacrificing in the middle of our kids’ adolescence is the spiritual equivalent of deserting an army in the middle of battle.

I know it gets tiring, and it’s not easy. But we have to finish this work. Our kids, by their existence, make a legitimate spiritual claim on our time, our money, and our focus. They necessarily limit what we may appropriately do outside the home. Let’s avoid falling into the trap God has pointed out in my own life: “What you’re really saying is that you’re willing to act like a parent as long as it doesn’t cost you anything.”

Finish this season of sacrifice.

Heavenly Father, give us willing hearts to accept this season of sacrifice. Let our attitude be one of joy, not frustration, so that our children feel as if they are blessings instead of burdens. In Jesus’ name, amen.