A Lasting Mark

Whoever who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.

PROVERBS 14:26

IN A WORLD WHERE TWO DIFFERENT NEWS STATIONS CAN PROVIDE two opposing sets of facts as the truth, it’s easy to throw up our hands and say, “It’s chaos! Nobody really knows the truth.” We want to know the truth, but when two different people give us two different sets of facts, it actually feels like a relief to find a reliable, trusted source.

That’s what it’s like for a child trying to determine her values. Chaos surrounds our kids; they need a mom and a dad to walk before them to show them the way. They need to see how we, overwhelmed by life, find security and hope in a God who is greater than we are, and how we strive to live unselfishly, even sacrificially when need be, to seek first the kingdom of God. We model an appropriate fear of the Lord—reverencing him, obeying his Word, walking in his ways—and cultivate a hatred for sin. When we do this, we construct a spiritual refuge for our children. Proverbs 14:26 tells us, “Whoever fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge” (emphasis added). That’s right—our walking in the fear of God becomes a refuge for our children.

As a single man, I looked at righteousness self-centeredly—how my choices would affect my standing with God, how moral decisions might affect my future and sense of well-being. But as a parent, I must consider the possible generational consequences. Andrew Murray puts it this way: “In all God’s dealings with us in redemption and grace, in His revelation in Christ and His cross, He has one goal—to save us from sin and make us partakers of His holiness. If the parent is to be God’s fellow-worker, . . . the parent himself must be in harmony with God. He must hate sin with a perfect hatred and seek above everything to remove and keep it out of his home.”^a

Every time a man talks to his son about women, he creates a moral example—will he be in harmony with God, or will he adopt the prejudicial mind-set of this age?

Every time a woman speaks of her husband in front of her children, she creates a moral example—will it be a good one or a negative one?

Every time a man sits in front of a computer and logs onto the Internet, he creates a moral trail—will he hate sin “with a perfect hatred and seek above everything to remove and keep it out of his home,” or will he allow it to infiltrate his children’s abode?

Every time parents face the struggle to choose nurturing care over personal fulfillment, they create a moral trail—will their priorities be in harmony with God, or will they be governed by fear of what others may think?

When our kids see how we deal with failure, disappointment, frustration, and our own limitations, they are learning. Are we building a secure refuge, or will it be a shoddy cardboard house that won’t make it through a single storm? Do they witness a faith that will last through cancer, unemployment, frustration, and stress, or are they looking at a belief that wilts under the slightest spiritual assault?

There’s an unavoidable truth behind all this: just as God created man and woman in his own image, so we parents end up creating boys and girls very much in our image. As Jesus said, “Everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher” (Luke 6:40).

None of us, of course, leave a perfect example. But that doesn’t mean we can’t leave an influential one. My desire—my goal—is that my children will see the joy and meaning and purpose that come from seeking first the kingdom of God, making anything that this world offers pale by comparison. In Andrew Murray’s words, “The parent must present to the child the beauty of virtue, the nobility and happiness of self-denial, the pleasure that duty brings, and the fear and the favor of God.”^b

I love Murray’s quote because it presents the positive side of living out these precious truths in front of our children. Virtue, though often mocked and ridiculed, is as beautiful as wickedness is ugly. Self-denial curiously spawns joyful happiness, while selfishness and arrogance produce desperation and obsession. Being faithful to duty brings great fulfillment, while following unchecked passions eventually leads us to despise ourselves. And the greatest truth of all: there is no higher end, no more glorious life, no better aim, than to live in the fear and favor of almighty God.

Paul certainly understood parenting in this way: “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:11–12). Paul quite simply assumed that parents will live this way—encouraging their children to live lives “worthy of God.”

What kind of example are we leaving behind today?

Heavenly Father, one of our highest aims is that our children would see you and your ways as a refuge, a shelter, a shield. Give us a new thirst for righteousness, help us grow in holiness, and help us to make faith a compelling invitation that our kids can’t wait to receive for themselves. In Jesus’ name, amen.