You Deserve A Break Today

“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.”

Exodus 20:8

SHEILA WAS MARRIED TO A NON-CHRISTIAN FOR ALMOST TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. Though initially she tried to pray fervently and every day for her husband’s salvation, she eventually discovered that constant praying without a break was wearing her out. Through trial and error, Sheila found that she simply couldn’t pray with equal fervor every day, but at various times, at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, she would enter renewed seasons of intercession—what she now calls her “seasons” of prayer. At the end of one such season, her husband became a believer—more than two decades after they had exchanged their wedding vows.

Sheila’s “seasons” make sense to me. Very few spouses can pray intensely for one issue for twenty years. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint, and at times we have to pace ourselves. That’s why an “emotional Sabbath” can be your marriage’s best friend.

A biblical view of marriage stresses the heart as a muscle more than as the center of emotion, and muscles need to rest and recover. When I returned to running after my fortieth birthday, I started reading up on modern training techniques. The biggest development over the past two decades seemed to be the crucial aspect of recovery time, as well as the idea of tapering before a long race. You work hard, and then you rest to give your muscles time to recover.

Relationships are no different.

A biblical view of marriage stresses the heart as a muscle more than as the center of emotion, and muscles need to rest and recover.

If you’re married to an unusually selfish or narcissistic person, a controlling person, a depressed spouse—or even if you’re just wed to an average sinner—on some days you may say to yourself, “Today I just need to survive.”

That’s okay. The idea of a Sabbath was God’s, after all. If you truly are doing most of the giving in your marriage and rarely receiving, you may need to take a short breather—maybe you’ll just go shopping, go out for a jog, watch a movie, or slip away for a long walk in the woods.

I’ll admit, being married to Lisa, I have it easier than most. But even though I’m married to an agreeable person, on occasion the two of us will butt heads, which usually leads me to fret. My mind is sort of like a Crock-Pot—cooking up a slow-burning mess of stew. It’s been a personal fault throughout my life.

On one occasion I realized I needed, more than anything, just to turn off my mind. I went out by myself (many spouses will hate me for suggesting this) and played eighteen holes of golf. Whenever a stray thought would come up, I forced myself to think about the tee shot, the approach shot, or the putt. I wasn’t running from my problem—I was taking a break so that I could look at the situation with fresh eyes and renewed energy.

There’s a big difference between escape and refreshment. A genuine, biblical Sabbath of refreshment points back to work; we rest so that we can become even more engaged in the future. We take a break with a view toward returning to the task, asking God to refresh us in order that we might fulfill his high call to love our spouses. It’s like sharpening the saw—we’re doing something besides the direct work we’re called to because in the end it will help us complete that work even better.

If you’re in a difficult time in your marriage (and again, every marriage has such seasons), one of the best things you can do is to get out and laugh—find a few friends, rent a comedy, play with your kids, read a long novel, go on a men’s or women’s retreat. We are limited human beings with finite resources, yet the Bible calls us to a supernatural love beyond our strength. This should teach us two things: we need to radically depend on the Holy Spirit’s empowerment, and we need to take breaks. Charles Spurgeon once said that many spiritual ills could be solved if we’d simply get a good night’s sleep. Tiredness makes us resentful, bitter, petty, angry—and worse.

Good for you for being so conscientious about your marital responsibilities! God bless you for wanting to love your spouse like no one ever has and no one ever will. But remember—you’re running a marathon.