The Estate Of Marriage

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24

IT ALWAYS AMAZES ME HOW CONTEMPORARY ANCIENT WORKS CAN BE. MARTIN Luther penetrated the twenty-first century when he gazed into the souls of sixteenth-century couples in his essay titled “The Estate of Marriage.” Since we live in a day when marriage is coming under increasing attack, we would do well to listen to Luther’s words.

Luther began his essay by reminding us that respect for marriage flows from acknowledging the One who designed marriage—God: “Do not criticize this work, or call that evil which he himself has called good. He knows better than you yourself what is good and to your benefit, as he says in Genesis [2:18], ‘it is not good that the man should be alone.’ ”^a

Luther urged his listeners to ignore the “pagan” voices decrying marriage:

Young men should be on their guard when they read pagan books and hear the common complaints about marriage, lest they inhale poison. For the estate of marriage does not set well with the devil, because it is God’s good will and work. This is why the devil has contrived to have so much shouted and written in the world against the institution of marriage, to frighten men away from this godly life and entangle them in a web of fornication and secret sins. . . . The world says of marriage, “brief is the joy, lasting the bitterness.” Let them say what they please; what God wills and creates is bound to be a laughingstock to them.

In Luther’s mind, it is not enough merely to be married; we must appreciate God’s purpose in calling us into marriage. God calls us into family life to shape our souls and to create a stable foundation for the next generation:

To recognize the estate of marriage is something quite different from merely being married. He who is married but does not recognize the estate of marriage cannot continue in wedlock without bitterness, drudgery, and anguish; he will inevitably complain and blaspheme like the pagans and blind, irrational men. . . . Now the ones who recognize the estate of marriage are those who firmly believe that God himself instituted it, brought husband and wife together, and ordained that they should beget children and care for them. For this they have God’s word [Genesis 1:28], and they can be certain that he does not lie. They can therefore also be certain that the estate of marriage and everything that goes with it in the way of conduct, works, and suffering is pleasing to God. Now tell me, how can the heart have greater good, joy, and delight than in God, when one is certain that his estate, conduct, and work is pleasing to God?

This assurance that God has called us into marriage will most help us when marriage becomes a struggle. Luther urged us to remember that even the most difficult aspects of wedlock can bring joy when we see them as part of God’s plan for us. Certain “blind” people run from the challenges of marriage because

they fail to see that their life and conduct with their wives is the work of God and pleasing in his sight. Could they but find that then no wife would be so hateful, so ill-tempered, so ill-mannered, so poor, so sick that they would fail to find in her their hearts’ delight. . . . And because they see that it is the good pleasure of their beloved Lord, they would be able to have peace in grief, joy in the midst of bitterness, happiness in the midst of tribulations, as the martyrs have in suffering.

This assurance that God has called us into marriage will most help us when marriage becomes a struggle.

In Luther’s view, because God has created marriage, we, God’s children and followers, should embrace all aspects of it—even the tough parts—because we know it is his will and his design. But when life’s pleasantness becomes more important than the spiritual foundations, we lose the discernment to appreciate marriage:

We err in that we judge the work of God according to our own feelings, and regard not his will but our own desire. This is why we are unable to recognize his works and persist in making evil that which is good, and regarding as bitter that which is pleasant. Nothing is so bad, not even death itself, but what it becomes sweet and tolerable if only I know and am certain that it is pleasing to God.

Luther summed up the estate of marriage this way:

I say these things in order that we may learn how honorable a thing it is to live in that estate which God has ordained. In it we find God’s word and good pleasure, by which all the works, conduct, and sufferings of that estate become holy, godly, and precious so that Solomon even congratulates such a man and says in Proverbs, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth,” and again in Ecclesiastes, “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life.” Solomon . . . is offering godly comfort to those who find much drudgery in married life.

While Devotions for a Sacred Marriage isn’t a book on the theology of marriage, it’s essential for us to possess a basic theological understanding of marriage, and that understanding is this: God designed and created marriage as a lifelong institution between one man and one woman, and he calls most of us into this estate. The fact that he created marriage and called us into marriage makes this estate a holy one, a right one, and a spiritually healthy one. We should humbly surrender to God’s will.

Armed with this understanding and insight, even the most difficult of marriages have value. To requote Luther, “Now tell me, how can the heart have greater good, joy, and delight than in God, when one is certain that his estate, conduct, and work is pleasing to God?”