Trusting Your Child To God

Reflect on God’s Word

One of the greatest desires of parents who follow Jesus is that their kids would follow Jesus too.

Trouble is, as we all know, that doesn’t always happen, no matter how many Sunday school classes, family devotionals, and prayer times you guide them through as they grow up. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

There are different levels of rebellion that parents face. Some are still able to have meaningful, loving relationships with their kids who have walked away from the Lord, while others battle the heartbreak of addiction, lawlessness, and a complete break from the family. Whatever your circumstance, you and your child are never out of the heavenly Father’s care.

God’s kindness is meant to lead your wayward child to repentance. His kindness is meant to show us that he has always loved us. Romans 2:4 says, “Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” As you consider this verse, let God speak to your heart about your relationship with him, and with your child.

There may be times in your journey with your child when you feel taken advantage of, when you feel that they are presuming upon your kindness, forbearance, and patience. As you consider your own relationship with God, what parallels do you see with your child’s relationship with you?

Have you ever decided to do something you know breaks the heart of God because you knew you would be forgiven for it? That God would never turn away from you? It’s his very loving character that gives you the freedom to believe that, no matter how misguided that idea may be. As a parent, you know there is nothing your child could do that would cause you to stop loving them, but you fear for how their behavior is going to affect their life.

If you have a child who has fallen into addiction and other destructive behaviors, it may feel like you’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Will you get a call from the police, or the hospital? You can’t sleep wondering what’s happening to your child. Maybe it feels like peace will never come.

Please know that you are not alone. God is still good. He still loves you and your child. Take a few moments to feel God’s arms surround you. Acknowledge those feelings, and then take a deep breath and feel the presence of God in your turmoil.

As you’ve acknowledged your feelings of uncertainty and chaos, the challenge is for you to change your mindset. You might find yourself constantly asking, “What if?” What if my child gets arrested? What if they fall in with the wrong crowd? What if they overdose? What if they never turn to Jesus?

Let yourself ask those questions.

And then do this: Instead of asking “What if?” say “Even if.” Even if the absolute worst-case scenario happens, does that change the goodness of God? Your perception of who God is will make a huge difference in how you relate to your child. If you believe God is who he says he is, and he can do what he says he can do, then you can be at peace. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be heartbroken over the decisions your child makes, but you can know that ultimately God is still good.

So what does this change of mind look like? Author Katherine James describes when her son overdosed on heroin and was fighting for his life in the hospital. In the elevator on the way to the critical care unit, she says,

I watched as the numbers above the doors slowly climbed and reminded myself of the most basic of Christian tenets: trust God—and it’s not a platitude if you say it to yourself. But I couldn’t trust him because our son could die. But there was no other option. I thought about what it would be like if Sweetboy died; but then, as though the Holy-Spirit-Bird had just landed on my shoulder, I understood that it would be okay no matter what. However fleeting, at least for that one moment in the elevator, I felt a complete peace.^*

Even if your child should die of a drug overdose. Even if your daughter were to get pregnant out of wedlock. Even if your son should end up in prison. None of that changes the goodness of God, nor does it change your standing in his eyes. He loves you so much.

And God’s kindness is meant to lead our children—and us—to repentance. Your love and kindness to your child is an extension of that. Great wisdom is needed to know what that kindness and love look like.

There’s always talk about tough love. Maybe you need to tell your child they can no longer live in your house. Maybe it means not bailing them out financially if their foolish choices lead them to difficulty paying rent. But maybe grace is what is needed more. Maybe you purchase a housewarming gift even though they’ve moved in with their boyfriend or girlfriend. Perhaps it looks like helping to care for that grandchild who might have to be given up for adoption if the young, unmarried couple doesn’t get practical help.

These decisions can be agonizing for a parent who simply loves their child until they think their heart will burst inside their chest. When you see your worst fear for your child happening, you may be tempted to give up hope, to cease to believe that God cares.

Maybe it’s strange to talk about poker in a Christian devotion, but there’s a saying among poker players: a chip and a chair. As long as you’ve still got one chip and a chair at the table, you’re not out of the game. As long as your child still has breath in their body, God’s Spirit can woo them back to him.

God’s got this. Trust Him. Walk with him. Abide in him.

And even if your child never does come back to the Lord, your eternal relationship with God is still secure.

Release Your Fear

Breathe deeply and slowly, letting your mind and your heart be calm before the Lord. Picture yourself sitting face-to-face with your heavenly Father and holding his hands. God’s kindness, not rules and regulations and persuasive speech, is what leads to repentance. Breathe in the loving-kindness of God as you sit in this time alone with him.

Consider this: God is the perfect parent, but his children still rebel and turn away from him. Ask him now to comfort you with his overwhelming love and to remind you of his great care for your kids.

When we interact with our wayward children, it’s best to come with an attitude of humility—not thinking that we have our act together but that we are as much in need of grace and forgiveness as they are. Empty your heart now of anything that is hindering your fullhearted relationship with God. Pour it out to your heavenly Father. Ask God to give you great wisdom.

Now name what it is you fear about each child. Do you fear they will never walk with Jesus? That they will get into some addiction, be it alcohol, drugs, or pornography? Do you fear pregnancy from an unwed child? Place all these fears on the table before the Lord.

Now try that exercise mentioned earlier: For each fear, ask the Lord, “What if (fill in the blank) happens to my child?” Listen for his answer. What do you hear him say to you? Do this for each fear and see how the Lord brings you his peace. Because even if the worst-case scenario happens, God is still good.

Father God, you know the pain of a wayward child. Your people rebelled against you in the past, and your beloved children rebel against you still today. Show me how to love and not to fear. Help me not to grow weary in doing good, but to depend on your Holy Spirit for the strength and the wisdom I need. Help me to make the right choices for myself, my family, and my child. I know it’s not going to be easy. I want more than anything for my child to walk with you. But I know that you want that even more than I do. Help me to trust you for the wisdom I need and for the strength to love my child as you love them. Whether it be tough love or acts of kindness that show them how gracious you are, let me be doing what you want me to do. It’s in the great name of Jesus that I pray, amen.

JOURNAL PROMPT: Write down those “What if?” statements from before. Now turn them into “Even if” statements and feel the difference that makes.