Trusting God In Divorce

Reflect on God’s Word

About twenty years ago on a bitterly cold midnight in Minnesota, a county park ranger knocked loudly on the window of a young pastor’s van. Fresh from a broken marriage, with nowhere to go, the pastor was trying to sleep in his van that was parked just north of Minneapolis in this county park.

The park ranger said, “I’m sorry, this park is closed. You’ll need to go somewhere else.”

The pastor found himself driving around this large city searching for a quiet, safe spot to rest his eyes, if only for a few hours. Finally settling behind an office park, he curled up with a blanket and slept.

The next morning, he went to a YMCA to take a shower and get some coffee. This was his new normal, wandering in the desert, alone, in pain and desperate for a word from the Lord. He was a long, long way from the flock he had shepherded as a pastor. He was in serious need of a shepherd himself.

That was one of the worst seasons of this pastor’s life. He was flooded with feelings of anger, fear, loneliness, and shame. As Christians who promised to be faithful “’til death do us part,” it’s devastating to be one of those Christian divorce statistics.

Maybe that’s where you are now. You are brokenhearted, tired, hurt, angry, bitter, and confused.

It seems hard to believe that there can be joy through this devastating experience. Yet Jesus can bring joy alive during this time. The young pastor’s strength to get through this divorce was rooted in the joy that comes from the Holy Spirit. While God can’t take away the experience and disappointment of a divorce, through Jesus, the sting of it will eventually diminish in the presence of the kind of joy that only comes from him.

While each story of divorce is different, God knows your pain.

Divorce breaks the marriage covenant, a promise between you and your spouse and God. There’s a reason God hates divorce: It’s a broken promise, a rebellion against him. The Bible calls this sin.

When Christians talk about divorce, we often miss an important distinction: God hates divorce, not the divorced. God hates sin, not sinners. Jesus died for us in God’s greatest act of love to his children while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).

Churches and parishes usually do not know what to do with Christians going through divorce because they don’t want to appear to endorse divorce.

Perhaps you desperately want and need the Lord, but church is the last place you want to be. Many there simply don’t know how to meet you in your darkest hour.

Churches often shy away from, or even shun, the Christians in their own congregations who need Christian divorce recovery advice. The Bible tells us that God “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3), but many churches ignore those who are brokenhearted because of divorce.

Psalm 119:50 says, “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”

In a divorce situation, shame can creep into your heart and mind. But the glory and beauty of Christianity is that we always have a chance to start fresh with a clean slate, and God covers us with his forgiveness and grace continually. Now that doesn’t mean that it’s okay to keep freely sinning, yet new mercies every morning is an awesome reality when seen through God’s eyes of love.

Some often say that divorce feels like a death. Closure is fleeting, and wounds are deep. Many divorced people say that they would rather be widowed because death does not carry the social stigma and feelings of failure that divorce does. Unlike with a death, where there is a funeral and support from family and friends, the people getting a divorce often grieve all alone. If there are children involved, they may be confused and hurt.

Isaiah 61:7–10 is a beautiful passage of Scripture packed with the promises of God for those who need restoration.

Instead of your shame

you will receive a double portion,

and instead of disgrace

you will rejoice in your inheritance.

And so you will inherit a double portion in

your land,

and everlasting joy will be yours.

“For I, the LORD, love justice;

I hate robbery and wrongdoing.

In my faithfulness I will reward my people

and make an everlasting covenant

with them.

Their descendants will be known among the

nations

and their offspring among the peoples.

All who see them will acknowledge

that they are a people the LORD has

blessed.”

I delight greatly in the LORD;

my soul rejoices in my God.

Restoration and a good harvest are promised by the Lord. Even when the cause of your divorce is sin on your part, God will not forsake you if you humbly acknowledge him.

Joel 2:25 says, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm—my great army that I sent among you.”

Let’s go back to that pastor in the van. God worked blessing after blessing in his life to bring him into a new, fruitful life of ministry. God restored to him a work that is helping thousands of people hear and follow the word of God. Long behind him are the days in the desert because he trusted God to be faithful to him as he gave his life into God’s hands.

Maybe you think God is finished with you. You assume he can’t use you anymore because you are divorced, you are “damaged goods.” But that’s not how God works. He brought Lazarus back to life, restoring him to his family (John 11), and he will restore you if you trust in him. God is in the business of redeeming the lost and restoring people to abundant life.

Release Your Everyday Concerns

Take a few deep breaths if you find that helpful. Feel the Holy Spirit indwelling you as you breathe in, and sin leaving you as you breathe out.

Now picture a field ripe for the harvest. Golden wheat blows gently in the breeze. The sun is shining without a cloud in the sky. You smile and sigh deeply. Life is good.

Suddenly, on the horizon you see a low, dark cloud approaching. You shade your eyes to try to see what it is. It’s not a storm. It’s way too low. And then you hear a strange, low humming noise. It gets closer and closer until you finally realize what it is. Locusts. Thousands upon thousands of locusts. And they are tearing through your harvest and leaving only destruction in their wake.

Does that feel like your life? It’s devastating to see all you worked hard to build ruined in one fell swoop.

Take another deep breath. Hold it for a moment, and then release it.

In your mind, turn around and see another field, this one twice as big as the former, bearing twice the amount of grain. Watch as the harvester comes and reaps all that beautiful golden grain. The harvester is God. That field is the life he wants to give you. Trust him to do more than you could ask or imagine in your life after divorce.

God is a restorer. He is a redeemer. As you give him lordship over your life, you will see it renewed.

Lord, I know that you hate divorce, and I’m so sorry for the role I played in causing the end of my marriage. But I’m so grateful for your love. Restore to me the joy of my salvation. Restore to me the years the locusts have eaten. Restore to me the work of my hands for your kingdom. I want to follow you wholeheartedly. I want to do what you want me to do. I don’t presume upon your grace, but I desperately need it. It’s in the redeeming name of Jesus that I pray, amen.

JOURNAL PROMPT: Write out some of the names of God (Healer, Redeemer, and so on). What evidence of these characteristics of God have you seen in your life? Does that help you lean on him for the future?