Tame Your Tongue

Reflect on God’s Word

There have been a few cases in recent years when a news anchor thought they were off mic and proceeded to say something that ended up being broadcast, causing them great embarrassment, and in some cases to lose their jobs. Inappropriate jokes, bad language, and mean-spirited comments all come from a tongue that has not been tamed by the Holy Spirit. And like trying to get toothpaste back into a tube once it has been squeezed out, words, especially on the internet, live on forever.

Have you fallen victim to your own tongue? Maybe outbursts of anger have gotten you in trouble, as you say exactly what’s on your mind with no filter. Anger often expresses itself in our words, and we say things we later wish we could take back. Are your seemingly unstoppable words causing chaos in your life?

James thought this issue was so important that he dedicated several paragraphs to talking about it in his letter to the dispersed Jews:

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. (James 3:3–12)

God knows you will get angry. What he wants is for you to be in control of that anger, not for it to be in control of you. When emotions are heightened, it is easy to go back to old habits and say and do things you will regret—or at least not be proud of.

This does not have to be your story.

God knows you will be tempted to react negatively when you are angry. But you do not have to give in to the temptation. God’s word, wisdom, and power are in you. You can learn to tame your tongue. You don’t have to lash out.

When you find yourself wanting to say something in anger, a good first step is to check your heart. Luke 6:45 records Jesus as saying, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” What is your heart full of? When anger boils up, step back instead of stepping into a potential mess. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the root of that anger.

Another good practice is to listen more and speak less. This can give you the opportunity to hear what another person has to say instead of just reacting to the situation. Proverbs 17:27 says, “The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.” Practice restraint when you are interacting with others. Maybe you need to count to ten and take several deep breaths to cool down so you don’t say something in anger. Seek to understand instead of lashing out.

Finally, make it a point to build people up instead of tearing them down. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Are your words beneficial, or are they cutting? Do you come away from your interactions with others feeling good about them and yourself, or did you let your anger take over?

Taming your tongue is not only important for building up the body of Christ, it’s also important for those who do not follow Jesus to see that you have self-control and that you live out your faith in the words you say. James again addressed this issue in his letter.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. (James 1:22–26)

Let your talk reflect your walk. If you have the Holy Spirit living inside you, you have all the power you need to keep your tongue—and your anger—under control.

Release Your Anger

Take a deep breath. If you have found your tongue being controlled by anger, take steps to let the Holy Spirit control it instead. Lift your hands toward heaven and ask the Holy Spirit to take over. Thank God out loud for helping you exercise self-control in the midst of your anger. Thank him for the peace he offers, even in your anger.

Picture your words like sparks drifting up from a campfire. As each one leaves your mouth, it falls at the feet of the person you’re interacting with. Are those sparks, those words coming out of your mouth, going to provide warmth to the one who receives it, or will it start a conflagration that destroys?

You are frustrated with your child because they are not moving as quickly as you need them to when you’re trying to leave the house for school. How do you speak to them? Will they go to school with a smile on their face because you restrained from speaking in anger but instead focused on being kind, or will they carry a wound in their spirit from the harsh words you said?

If you are listening to someone speak in favor of something you strongly disagree with in a public place, do you speak with anger against them, using inappropriate language to denigrate them, or do you let the Holy Spirit build gentleness in you and ask questions to help you better understand their story?

In both of these circumstances, prayer is vital. Connecting your heart with God’s heart will help you see people as he sees them: as image bearers of God who deserve honor and grace.

Dear God, I am overwhelmed by your love. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me. Thank you for telling me that my tongue does not have to be controlled by my anger. Help me tame my tongue. I know you are with me, filling me with your Spirit. And I know you love me. Let me feel your love. Pour your love over the areas in my life that need it the most. Where there is anger, replace it with your peace. Revive any area where bitterness has made a home. Show me why it is hard sometimes to control my anger. Help me be more like you. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

JOURNAL PROMPT: What practical steps can you take to tame your tongue? Write down three things. Carry them with you. Remember, with God’s strength, you can do this.