Rude And Crude

gentleness - Rude and Crude

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2, NIV

Speaking with gentleness hasn’t always been one of my (Teresa’s) strong points. I could be gentle in how I touched, but not always in my words. Many times, my abruptness hurt David and the kids. David even called me “rude and crude” during our early years of marriage. I laughed it off at the time, thinking, That description fits. It shows people I’m strong.

My words often wounded my kids when I corrected them harshly. I used to be almost proud of those harsh words, thinking that I was parenting successfully just because they stopped the misbehavior. As our kids got older, they would tease me about how I “cut to the chase” or “got to the bottom line.” That was their way of saying Mom’s words were often cutting.

I was motivated to change when I began to see myself through my family’s eyes and to see the hurt I had caused. My husband shared his hurt and anger about the times he needed my compassion and instead received insensitive comments and harsh responses. I saw how my kids shut me out in anger and were reluctant to share their hearts with me. I know now that they feared my coldness and recoiled in self-protection.

I felt God’s gentle voice prompt my heart to make changes in how I talked. He has always been such a gentleman with me, and I asked Him to make not just changes, but drastic changes.

I now take careful assessment—not only of my words, but of my tone of voice, my facial expressions, my eye contact, and my emotional openness. I often ask the Lord to soften my heart and make that softness apparent in my communication with my family.

How can you soften your communication with your spouse today?