Only A Rough Exterior

security - Only a Rough Exterior

Who can find a virtuous wife? . . . The heart of her husband safely trusts her. Proverbs 31:10-11

Men are typically conditioned to act tough, to resist emotional expression, and never to admit weakness. All of these behaviors hinder intimacy. Underneath this exterior image is often a fearful, insecure husband needful of a wife’s reassuring love.

I (Teresa) have the God-given privilege of providing a safe haven for my husband. This special ministry of safety for my husband has included being careful to accept David’s insecurities and fears. I’ve learned to hold my tongue when I discover an area of weakness or inadequacy. It’s at those times that I must be careful not to belittle, judge, or dismiss David’s fears. He needs my words of acceptance instead of my rejection.

I have also learned that I create an atmosphere of safety for David as I give him the freedom to share his fears without reacting with my own. There have been times when I have squelched David’s vulnerable sharing because of my own fearful reactions. (“I’m sorry you’re having trouble with your boss, but we can’t afford for you to lose your job right now!”)

My own fears don’t have to go unnoticed. Just as it’s important for David to share his fears, it’s important for me to share mine. I’ve learned to trust the Lord with my security and at times share openly with a trusted friend. I’ve learned that I have to trust God to bring maturity into David’s life and to carefully discern when or if it is appropriate to share my insecurities with David.

Finally, I’ve discovered that as I listen to David express his fears, my role is to provide reassuring love. David needs to hear words like, “Sweetheart, I want you to know that I am committed to loving you no matter what. We’ll work this out together.”

How can you increase the “emotional safety” in your home?