Waiting For What?

The LORD spoke to Moses in the wilderness of Sinai, in the tent of meeting, on the first day of the second month, in the second year after they had come out of the land of Egypt.

In 1952, the playwright Samuel Beckett published Waiting for Godot, the story of two characters who waited—for the entire length of the play—for a person who would never materialize. Life, Beckett portrayed, was ultimately an empty search. We were all like Estragon and Vladimir, he said, waiting for God to show up, waiting for life to make sense, waiting for who knows what.

As the children of Israel ticked off the days since their exodus from Egypt, they also began to wonder what they were waiting for. The Greek version of the Old Testament, the Septuagint, refers to this part of the biblical story as Numbers, named for its family rosters and lists that act as bookends. However, the Hebrew Scriptures call it something different—bemidbar, a word that means “in the wilderness,” taken from the first verse of the book. It’s not hard to see why. For the next forty years, Israel would wander in the desert. Waiting would be its own wilderness.

Grief includes so much waiting. If we’re caregivers, we experience anticipatory grief, a grief that includes waiting as we watch our person die. If our loss involves a crime or unexpected health difficulty, we wait for news that will hopefully bring clarity or resolution. Whatever our loss, we all sit like the Israelites in the desert or Estragon and Vladmir on a park bench, waiting for life to make sense. We wait to feel better, for the hurt to ebb a little. We may be waiting for God to show up too.

Numbers 1 offers a helpful, hopeful reminder: “The LORD spoke to Moses in the wilderness.” God did not abandon the Israelites in the desert of their loss. Neither would he make them walk their own paths alone, isolated in wilderness. God showed up for Moses, in Israel’s waiting. He’ll do the same for you.

Your wilderness isn’t meaningless. Your waiting isn’t in vain. Quite to the contrary, this landscape of loss that feels so foreboding is infused with divine Presence. God is here. God wants to commune with you. However long it takes for the waiting to end, he will stay beside you. He will faithfully lead you to the fulfillment of his promises.

Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the wilderness. By day the pillar of cloud did not fail to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night to shine on the way they were to take. You gave your good Spirit to instruct them. You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst. For forty years you sustained them in the wilderness; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.

Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. GOD, your God, is with you every step you take.

A Prayer: God, I’m left in limbo between the life I lived before and who knows what. I don’t know what’s ahead, and I keep waiting for this wilderness to be over. Sometimes, I confess I even start to wonder where you are—if you’re good, strong, or powerful. Forgive me for my unbelief and strengthen my faith. Help me to endure this wilderness, and speak words of comfort to reassure me of your love. Root me in the truth that this wandering won’t last forever. Amen.

An Activity for Today: Block out time to wander today. Choose a safe route—around your office park, through your neighborhood, in a favorite big-box store—and simply wander. Consciously leave your mental agenda behind. Don’t wear a watch. Invite God to wander with you. As you walk, consider how open-ended, mindful wandering can open up your creativity, refresh your spiritual life, or give you hope. What do you notice as you walk? Does your body feel different as you move? Do you find ideas flow more freely? Does God feel just a little bit closer? Thomas Merton once prayed, “My God, I pray better to you by breathing, I pray better to you by walking than by talking.”^a Let this be your prayer today too. God is in your wilderness waiting and wandering.

A Song to Encourage Your Heart: “No Vacant Thrones” by Phillip Joubert and Jonni Mae