A New Kind Of Forgiveness

How the mighty have fallen! The weapons of war have perished!

After Saul’s death, David led Israel in formal mourning for the late king’s passing. Saul’s volatility, aggression, jealousy, and hatred had marked their relationship since David’s adolescence, and you might imagine that David’s first thought upon hearing of his death would be rejoicing. Finally, no more running for my life. Finally, no more threats against my kingdom. Finally, peace after years of anxiety and hurt. Who could mourn the death of a man who had been so unkind? Wasn’t Saul’s death the result of his own sinfulness anyway?

However, when David learned that Saul had died, he grieved—no doubt, a complicated grief of relief and sorrow for what was and could have been. And when it came time to publicly eulogize Saul, David found honest yet gracious words to bring peace to his nation.

In his eulogy, David describes Saul as swifter than an eagle and stronger than a lion, and we’re reminded both of Saul’s charismatic personality and his deft skill as he threw a spear at David in the royal court. When David laments that the mighty have fallen, we remember Saul’s military skill and his dogged pursuit of David in caves and across the desert. David finds ways to be both honest and honoring as he says goodbye to this leader who shaped David’s own destiny. More than simply mourning, David’s honesty creates a path toward forgiveness, even when he can’t experience reconciliation with Saul.

You may be surprised to realize you have many more feelings after your loss than sadness. If your friend became distant because of addiction, you may experience frustration or regret. If your loved one took his or her life, you may feel confused or angry. If your relationship with your parent or child was marked by tension or discord, you may feel relieved that you don’t have to deal with those problems anymore. Grief isn’t always simply love with no place to go. Sometimes saying goodbye to our person is complicated.

If that’s you, consider how you can grieve with love and truth today. How can your honest words about your loss create a path for forgiveness? How can you extend grace to your person in his or her death and offer grace to yourself as you consider the many ways that relationship didn’t meet your needs? Grieving a complicated relationship isn’t easy, but God meets us even here with his promise of mercy and transforming grace.

An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship.

You must not testify falsely against your neighbor.

A Prayer: God, I wish my grief were less complicated. I wish this goodbye were easier. Please take all of my feelings and sort them out in your holiness. Convict me of sinful thoughts and words against my person. Teach me to be merciful. Reveal to me your grace extended to me, and help me to extend it to those who have hurt and disappointed me. Heal my side of the relationship, even though my person is no longer living, and give me peace. Amen.

An Activity for Today: For centuries, different flowers have held symbolic meanings and were gifted on specific occasions. Today, allow flowers to speak the words that you long to say to or about your person. Seek out stunning blooms in your neighborhood or grocery store and allow their fragrance, color, and shape to remind you of the beauty of your person’s life. If your relationship with your person was hard, allow the blossoms to bring God’s goodness, truth, and beauty to mind. If you can’t get out to browse or buy, look at pictures online of a flower that symbolizes qualities you saw in your person. Visit The Old Farmer’s Almanac online for a comprehensive list of flowers and their traditional meanings.

A Song to Encourage Your Heart: “There’s a Wideness in God’s Mercy” by St. Paul’s Cathedral Choir