Waiting For The Grade

Waiting for the Grade

I started graduate school almost thirty years after receiving my undergraduate degree, and more than once I asked myself what made me think I could ever do such a thing. My first degree in journalism is so old, I think its proof is stored on microfiche.

As an undergrad, I made mostly average grades and graduated with more gratitude than honors. But in the decades between degrees, I became one of those people who really cares how she does, who sweats twenty-page papers even though she’s been quite comfortable writing three-hundred-page manuscripts. I was no longer content with just passing. I wanted to excel.

I once waited over two weeks for my first paper’s grade in a class I loved on a subject I adored (the apologetic writings of C. S. Lewis). I couldn’t skate on skill alone. My very knowledgeable professor wrote the textbook, for Pete’s sake, so there was no fooling him. He was reputed to be a rigorous, demanding grader. I wanted to do well, but I didn’t know where the bar was set or how I might measure up.

I was where I’ve rarely been, at least in a bookish sense: I was waiting for the grade.

It’s human to want to know how we’ve done, and even to hope that we’ve done well. It’s natural to need both affirmation and correction. I’ve felt all of this, but these days I’m feeling more: I’m feeling a sharper gratitude for grace. God’s grace. On that count, the grades are in. By the so-great sacrifice of Jesus Christ, I’ve passed with flying colors. (On his coattails, yes. On my merit, no.) I’ve been conferred a status that stuns me, more than forty years after receiving it. Only one assessment is still to come, and it is the one I’m most keenly longing for: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21, KJV). Every mark I’m striving for today is for that honor. Those words.

I want to use up all I have. To spend everything I’ve got to honor the one I love best. I want to make my Father proud. That’s the grade I’m waiting for.

Now the prize awaits me—the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing.

2 Timothy 4:8