Undeserving

Undeserving

Close to one hundred name tags were spread on the table near the door of the event. And although I’d almost rather be pushed out of an airplane at several thousand feet than walk into a room full of social “opportunity” alone, I approached the welcome table without excessive fear. I’d received an invitation, I’d RSVP’d, and I was confident that I could at least navigate the name-tag bit without much angst.

My bolstered confidence quickly vaporized when I scanned the table and didn’t see my name.

The facts didn’t matter so much anymore. Because I didn’t have a preprinted name tag like all the others I saw, I suddenly felt awkward. Undeserving. Like my invitation had somehow been a mistake.

The hostess was very nice. She didn’t seem at all bothered by my lack of an official tag. In fact, she had a roll of adhesive ones ready and a Sharpie nearby. She offered both with a smile, saying I could simply make my own. I didn’t want to, but I did. The simple act of writing my name with a Sharpie solidly reinforced the nagging suspicion that I’d probably been carrying all along: that I didn’t really deserve to be invited to the event to begin with.

I can’t be certain how much a real name tag might have helped. Looking back I suspect that even with it, I would have felt uncomfortable and a little out of place. After all, I was shoulder to shoulder with many of the names that lined my own bookshelves, smiling politely at people whose words I had highlighted in yellow. And absolutely certain that no one recognized my name.

But I also realized that I, of all people, should be over the undeserving thing. I am undeserving. But for the one to whom it should have mattered most, it mattered not at all. And because I have received from him grace upon grace, every new grace should be not a reminder of my own unworthiness but a shout-out to his great goodness and mercy. It still amazes me. Thanks for skipping my name tag, just this once, God, so I could be amazed all over again at the glory of your name!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ.

Ephesians 1:3, NASB