Chosen

Chosen

I’m not always good at hope. Unless it’s for someone else. In that case, I’m the most hopeful person on the planet. My hope for others is sincere and sometimes even contagious. But for myself, not so much. I want to hope. And sometimes I allow myself that secret luxury. But I mostly keep my longings to myself. Because disappointment and shame are so tightly woven together for me that when push comes to shove, it’s almost impossible to separate the two. If I hope out loud and my hopes don’t materialize, I’m embarrassed that I allowed myself to hope at all.

I’d been interviewing for a coveted job assignment and expected to hear soon whether I’d be selected. I wanted the work. I asked friends to pray. I’d updated family members who I knew were pulling for me. And when the wide field of candidates narrowed to two, I actually felt hopeful. Then I got the news I was waiting for, but I wasn’t the one chosen. Suddenly, I was in junior high again, wishing I could have done better at basketball tryouts. Or in my late twenties, longing to be married and wondering why I wasn’t chosen, period.

In times like these, I find comfort in knowing I was chosen by an all-or-nothing God. He didn’t just want a little of my heart; he asked for the whole thing. And he doesn’t just mean to use a speck of the gifts he’s given. He means to tap them dry. He didn’t pursue me and woo me to no purposeful end. He chased me and won me to make me his forever. He picked me. I am chosen. Now and then I forget what that means and let other, lesser decisions rack my heart and twist my thoughts into tight, confusing, shame-filled knots, but he doesn’t let me go. Not now. Not ever. I’ll be disappointed again if I dare again to hope. Everyone is at one time or another. But that cannot change this one, glorious, solid truth: I’m his. Always.

Long before he laid down the earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 1:4-5, MSG