A Misfit’s Gifts

A Misfit’s Gifts

I look forward to Christmas with delightful expectancy, and I am always a little sad when the season is done. But even so, I never feel more like a shiny, neon-lit misfit than I do at Christmas.

I feel awkward arriving solo at holiday parties. I even feel a little out of place at church, where I know everyone but belong with no one. I tried explaining this seasonal malaise to an old friend recently, and she responded, “Leigh, you have a good life.” I do. Oh, I do! But at Christmas I am most assuredly the odd woman out. My friends will not receive from me a beautifully photographed card of my spouse and/or children that says, “Love from the McLeroys.” There’s just one McLeroy at this address. I will host my family’s Christmas dinner, planned and prepared alone, and be thankful for each beloved face around my table. But when they go home in pairs, I will remain alone.

Years ago, my parents would take my sister and me to a department store with a special area for children to shop in. We would be given money that we could then spend on our family as we shopped “secretly” but well supervised. The gifts we purchased for my parents were bought with their own money, so in essence, we gave them what they had already given us.

This Christmas, I’m wondering how I might return to Jesus a few of the treasures that he has given me—and give them with greater love and gratitude. How can I give him both my fierce independence and my ache for company? Can these be packed together? How can I give my sorrow over the children I never had and my keen longing for a husband and family, even now? Perhaps he’ll know what to do with these misfit gifts. After all, they are the gifts I have to offer back to the lover of my soul. He is good, and he does all things well.

Merry Christmas, precious Jesus, from just me. Transform the meanness of my offering into something useful, beautiful, and true. Let the life I live be pleasing to you, even through seasons where it seems strange to me.

Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand.

1 Chronicles 29:14, NIV