Does A Pattern Emerge?

Put me on trial, LORD, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart.

“WHAT’S UP? All my relationships are exploding on me!” Sharon had been married twice; her children, now in college, made excuses for never calling, never coming home. She was passed over for a promotion at work, and now her fiancé was getting cold feet—he wanted to postpone the wedding.

“He told me I am high maintenance! What does that mean? Am I, Pam? Am I high maintenance?”

Telling a high-maintenance woman she is high maintenance likely will trigger an explosive response and may or may not lead to change. However, change is more likely if a high-maintenance woman with emotional issues realizes it herself.

“Why don’t you look at all your relationships? Go back and write down what you think happened to strain the relationship. Better yet, go ask them why the relationship is strained. You need to be like a court reporter or journalist. Take notes on what they say; don’t react—no matter what they say. Set up some interviews, and see if you can gather enough information to see a pattern.”

“What do I ask? I don’t think I can do this! It’s too hard!”

“Harder than losing all the people you love, over and over again?”

“Well, when you put it like that—okay—can you help me? What do I say to them?”

“Just ask each of those people to go to coffee with you. I’ll give you a few questions to ask, but it’s more important that they hear your heart. They need to hear that you are sorry your relationship is strained and that you want to see if you can change or do something to rebuild the relationship. Your most important job will be to listen and not react.”