Why Should We Care About Making Others Happy?

Why should we care about making others happy?

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4, NASB

It turns out that choosing to pursue four basic values of faith, family, community and work is the surest path to happiness.

ARTHUR BROOKS

THOUGH I HAVEN’T SEEN them for twenty years, I’ve never forgotten the father and son who picked up our trash each week. I could hear them singing and laughing. If I was outside when they came by, they’d say, “Have a great day!”—and it was obvious that’s what they were having. Likewise, God the Father loves Jesus. It showed in his work, and his Son entered into his Father’s happiness.

English architect Sir Christopher Wren (1632–1723) supervised the construction of a number of magnificent cathedrals in London. According to one story, a journalist interviewed some of the workers at a building site. He asked three of them, “What are you doing?”

The first replied, “I’m cutting stone for 10 shillings a day.”

The next answered, “I’m putting in 10 hours a day on this job.”

The third said, “I’m helping Sir Christopher Wren construct one of London’s greatest cathedrals.”^a

Isn’t it obvious which of them would be the happiest? There’s nothing wrong with working to be paid. But if we see the greater significance of our work—no matter how menial—and we do it all to God’s glory, it changes everything.

Psychologist Bernard Rimland conducted a study in which participants were asked to list ten people they knew best and to label them as either happy or not happy. When they finished, they were to go through their lists and this time label each person as selfish or unselfish, using the following definition of selfishness: “A stable tendency to devote one’s time and resources to one’s own interests and welfare—an unwillingness to inconvenience one’s self for others.”^b

What did Rimland discover? According to his research paper “The Altruism Paradox,” everyone who was labeled happy was also labeled unselfish. Those “whose activities are devoted to bringing themselves happiness . . . are far less likely to be happy than those whose efforts are devoted to making others happy.” In a remarkable conclusion, he said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”^c

It’s not every day that we see a direct quote from Jesus as the culmination of a psychological study! But the Golden Rule (see Luke 6:31) sums up Rimland’s findings perfectly. According to the study, looking out for the interests of others is actually in our own best interest!

Selflessness seems to be strangely counterintuitive to us, perhaps because we imagine that sacrificing for others is an act of holiness that’s contrary to happiness. But consider this striking passage, which appeals to us by promising great happiness:

If you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom will become like midday. And the LORD will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

Isaiah 58:10-11, NASB

What is gloom but unhappiness? What will satisfy our desires, give us strength, and make us like a watered garden (in short, make us happy)? Giving of ourselves to help others. This is no abstract spiritual blessing—it’s a concrete promise of personal happiness!

The “spiritualized” perspective is, “Sacrifice your happiness to devote your life to making others happy.” The biblical and true-to-reality perspective is, “Make God, people, and yourself happy at the same time, by serving others.”

When we invest ourselves in others, everyone wins.

I enjoy winning. But by God’s grace, I’ve become a gracious loser, which makes me a happier person. When coaching high school tennis, I was playing against our team’s number one singles player. We’d played a couple times a week for three years, and he’d never beaten me. But he kept getting better . . . and I didn’t. That day, though I tried my best, he beat me for the first time (and by no means the last).

When he won the final point, we both ran to the net and hugged each other, smiling, laughing, and celebrating. I realized, to my surprise, that I was as genuinely happy as he was.

Why was I so happy? Because I had worked hard and long to develop his skills. I had developed vested interests in his victory. His success was my success. And because I loved him, his joy was my joy. “Rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15, NIV) had new meaning for me. I realized that when we pour our lives into others, we truly want them to succeed.

Our happiness will always be small as long as we’re only happy for ourselves. But when we can be genuinely happy for our spouse, children, grandchildren, neighbors, and friends—and those who live thousands of miles away but benefit from the prayers and money we give to help build wells or translate the Bible into their language—there’ll be no end to our happiness.

Arthur Brooks says, “Our brains are actually wired to serve others. When we give charitable money and service to others, our brain releases several stress hormones which elevate our mood and cause us to feel happy. Serving and giving help to others makes us happier, healthier, more prosperous, and therefore greatly blessed and more successful than non-givers.”^d

Jesus said, “It is more blessed [happy-making] to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Yes, we should give because it’s right, but also because it’s smart. When we give, everyone but Satan wins. God is happy, those who receive our gifts are happy, and we’re happy.

God’s grace to us is the lightning; our giving to him is the thunder. As lightning precedes thunder, so God’s grace precedes and causes our giving. When we give only out of a sense of duty, the joy is far less. When we give because the lightning of God’s grace has struck our hearts, then our consequent giving and joy are thunderous.

God, only you could have come up with the idea, arising from your very nature, that giving away ourselves and our things will make us rich beyond belief—rich in relationships and therefore rich in happiness. No one is like you! Thank you for the incredible gift of giving!