Families Facing Cancer

Families Facing Cancer

When I was diagnosed with cancer, our daughters were only eight, ten, and twelve, so my husband and I desperately wanted to protect them from cancer’s assault on me. At first we thought it would be best not to explain my diagnosis. So we decided we would tell them I was going to have surgery but wouldn’t use the word cancer.

That bright idea lasted about twenty-four hours until I realized that somebody in our church or small community was going to use the word cancer and my girls would hear it. So we sat them down again and using the dreaded “big C” word, we tried to give them an idea of what to expect. We were careful not to give them too much information that would scare them, but also not to make promises we couldn’t keep.

We didn’t promise that “Mommy is going to be fine” because we knew there was no such guarantee. We did, however, assure our girls that “the doctors would do everything possible to make Mommy better” and “Mommy would do everything she could to get better.” We, of course, did not share with them that the cancer was locally advanced and that I had about a 40-percent chance of cure.

And with that brief but emotionally painful conversation, we had our children place their hands in ours, and together we placed all of our hands in the Lord’s as we began to walk my journey with cancer together.

It was the best decision we could have made because time and again our daughters were able to see what it means to trust God in hard times. They learned better how to pray and wait on God, and as the months and years have gone by, they have seen how God can use even awful things for His glory.

If you still have children at home—or even grandchildren nearby—you have a perfect opportunity to show them your faith in action. It’s easy to talk about things like the power of prayer and trusting God, but a diagnosis of cancer in the family gives us a chance to see if our walk matches our talk.

In those first, really dark days after my diagnosis, I remember feeling as if I wanted to go to bed, pull the covers up over my head, and have somebody call me to come out when it was all over. But I also remember my head talking some courage into my faint heart.

You’ve always told your children:

God can be trusted.

Now they can see if you really do trust Him.

God is faithful.

Now they can see if you will be too.

Knowing Jesus makes all the difference.

Now they can see if it really does.

We were a family, and that “for better or for worse” pledge my husband and I made applied to our children, too. Together we would face cancer with the courage that God would pour into each of our hearts supernaturally, no matter our age or bravery status.

It is a much more powerful lesson for children to walk with you firsthand as you deal with cancer in your life or a loved one’s life rather than hear about the journey later, after the fact.

They need to see that you are afraid sometimes and learn how you find courage.

They need to hear that you have worries and discover where to find hope.

They need to know that you don’t have all the answers and observe how to talk to the One who does.

They need to believe that when God and cancer meet, God always is more powerful.

Whether He takes the cancer out of the person or the person out of the cancer, He gives every believer the victory.

Cancer was probably the best real-life lesson to prove to my kids that God can and will meet our deepest needs—that He can give us courage to face things we never thought we could. I’m so glad we decided to allow our family to walk that difficult journey together.

Father, I wish I could shield the children in our family from even thinking about cancer. But instead, help us to face this diagnosis together and to trust that You love them even more than I do. Please pour Your peace into their young hearts. Amen.