Change Your Language

“In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.” (James 3:5, NLT)

We’ve all been there—saying something to our spouse that we immediately regret. In the instant those words escape our lips, we wish we could take them back, knowing their impact is irreversible. Words hold a profound power.

The Bible offers us guidance on how we should communicate with one another. Your words are a potent gift from God. And like any powerful tool, they can be wielded for good or ill. This truth applies not only to conversations with neighbors, coworkers, friends, and children, but also to your spouse. Your words carry weight, especially within the context of your marital relationship. The words you choose can either fortify or undermine your marriage.

In marriage, the concept of two becoming one extends beyond just emotional intimacy; it encompasses financial unity as well. Financial divisions often mirror relational divisions. The way you discuss money with your spouse might seem insignificant, but it holds a more profound impact than you realize. You might not contemplate whether your words are bridging or broadening a gap in your relationship. And you might not also consider whether the words you use align with God’s design for marriage and money.

The words “yours” and “mine” can be perilous in the context of marriage and money. They pose a threat to the unity of marriage, suggesting division within the partnership.

“These words frequently surface during money-related disputes, emphasizing ownership.

“Your debt.”

“Your bills.”

“Your expenses.”

“Your generosity.”

“Your priorities.”

“My debt.”

“My bills.”

“My expenses.”

“My generosity.”

“My priorities.”

The usage of “yours” and “mine” echoes, “We are not united.”

In contrast, “ours” conveys an entirely different message.

While “yours” and “mine” divide, “ours” unites. It signifies a shared responsibility.

“Our debt.”

“Our bills.”

“Our expenses.”

“Our generosity.”

“Our priorities.”

“Ours” conveys trust, transparency, and commitment. It acknowledges that each spouse’s financial actions impact the other. It signifies moving forward as a team, even if one spouse has a better understanding of finances. It recognizes that each partner’s strengths and weaknesses complement each other. It demonstrates placing God’s marriage and financial design above personal monetary goals. A healthy savings account doesn’t illuminate the gospel to the world—a united marriage does.

Words are a potent tool. What impact do your chosen words have on your marriage? Have you transitioned from individualistic language to a language of unity? Pay attention to how you discuss money with your spouse. Be mindful of your words. Use language that echoes, “We’re in this together,” and jointly pursue God’s vision for marriage and finances.

Reflect Together:
If you and your spouse have been using individualistic language when discussing finances, ask one another for forgiveness. Say, “I’m sorry” and agree to move forward with unifying language. Agree to set aside “yours” and “mine” and pick up “ours.” Spend some time praying together. Ask God to help you move forward as one in your finances.