What’s Your Calendar Preaching?

“Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” (Psalm 139:23-24, NLT)

“Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24-25, NLT)

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NLT)

When we hear the word audit, most of us cringe. I know I do because I hate math. We picture some stuffy organization combing through receipts and Excel spreadsheets, ready to penalize us because we forgot to document the Chinese food we bought after a staff meeting.

Audits aren’t usually enjoyable. They’re often uncomfortable. But when it comes to friendship, they’re essential.

Most of us would say relationships matter deeply to us. What’s interesting is that our calendars often disagree. Calendars are great preachers! It’s possible to have a schedule that’s completely full but spiritually empty, packed with meetings, errands, deadlines, and obligations. Most of us have little room for the people we say matter most.

Life has a way of getting loud. Deadlines stack up and expectations multiply and responsibilities compete for our attention. If you’re anything like me, it’s easy to let my to-do list shape my life instead of letting my values shape my to-do list.

There was a season when I became almost amoeba-like, taking the shape of whatever container I was poured into that day. Whatever demanded my attention got it. Friendship was one of the first things squeezed out of my life, even though I would have passionately told you it was one of my highest values.

That’s why an honest audit matters. An audit is different than a guilt trip because you’ll enjoy the journey and getting to your ending destination.

Open another tab on your phone or desktop or grab a piece of paper. Write down the names of the people who are genuinely in your life right now. Not the friends you had years ago or the relationships you hope to build someday. The tribe who is actively walking with you today. Maybe you don’t have a tribe or even one solid friend yet—that’s not a verdict. It’s simply a starting point, and recognizing it is the first step toward building the relationships you want.

Then open your calendar from the last two weeks.

Does your calendar reflect that friendship is one of your priorities or does it quietly contradict what you say you value?

A famous psalmist practiced this kind of honest examination. David didn’t begin by asking God to evaluate everyone else, although if you’ve read the Psalms, he certainly had opinions about his enemies! Instead, he prayed, “Search me, God, and know my heart…see if there is any offensive way in me” (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV).

A friendship audit isn’t about shame. It’s about clarity. And without clarity, we allow a lack of intention to fill in the blanks in our lives, and our relationships are then often shaped by accident instead of strategic intention.

Jesus modeled a different rhythm. Crowds constantly demanded His attention, yet He intentionally invested in twelve disciples, and within those twelve, He cultivated an even deeper relationship with three. If the Son of God intentionally structured His life around meaningful friendships, we don’t get a pass on putting intention in ours.

The greatest threat to friendship usually isn’t a lack of desire, it’s a cluttered life. It’s canceling plans because we’re tired. It’s leaving texts unanswered for days. It’s always meaning to grab coffee but never putting it on the calendar.

Today, do the audit. Name what’s missing without condemning yourself. Then make one intentional change this week. Schedule the coffee, send the text you intended to send or a personal voice text. A verse in the book of Hebrews reminds us, don’t give up meeting together, but encourage one another (Hebrews 10:24-25). Healthy friendships rarely happen by accident—they’re built with intention.

Finally, take the free Friendship Audit from Make Friends with Anyone. It will help you discover your natural friendship tendencies and prepare you for Days 3 through 7 of this devotional.