Fight Fair

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

“Honey, you should call Adelae and talk about this instead of texting,” Zoe’s aunt warned.

Adelae had accused Zoe of saying something that Zoe hadn’t said, and Zoe really didn’t want to talk to Adelae about it. Secretly rolling her eyes at her aunt, Zoe ignored her advice and decided it was easier to explain her side of the story over text.

Unfortunately, Adelae misunderstood Zoe’s texted explanation and got even angrier. Adelae called Zoe ugly names and turned several classmates against Zoe. Zoe was brokenhearted and couldn’t understand why a misunderstanding had gotten so out of control.

It’s natural to get into disagreements and misunderstandings with our friends and classmates. In fact, the Bible has a lot to say about anger because it is an emotion we all feel from time to time, and Jesus knows that. He also knows how destructive anger can be when we don’t deal with it correctly. Proverbs warns us to avoid people who love to argue and fight or we might adopt the same habit. Or we’ll get caught up in their drama and be miserable.

There are four guidelines (I call them the Rules of Fighting Fair) for engaging in a healthy disagreement to help avoid the angry drama trap. First, never call names. Second, don’t drag others into the fight, and don’t ask them to pick sides. Third, never touch another person in anger. Fourth, speak to the other person in person or over the phone about disagreements. Don’t text. Even all the emojis in the world can’t communicate true emotion and tone of voice. Did you know that 80 percent of our communication comes through body language and tone of voice? Only 20 percent of our communication comes from our actual words! No wonder Zoe and Adelae ended up in a drama nightmare. Texting is one of the worst ways to resolve disagreements!

Proverbs warns us to be careful with how we communicate with our friends. If you practice “fighting fair” when you feel angry, it will help you avoid Zoe and Adelae’s situation—allowing a simple misunderstanding to turn into angry drama—and will serve as a tool you can use your entire life.

Things to Think About

• Which of the Rules of Fighting Fair are hardest for you to follow?
• Which of the Rules of Fighting Fair are the easiest for you to follow?

DAILY ACT OF FRIENDSHIP

Pick one of the Rules of Fighting Fair that is harder for you to follow and practice that new skill this week.