Resentful—feeling Ill-will From Being Mistreated - The Gift of Anger: A Guide to Follow Your Feelings in Prayer

The Language for Feeling Resentful

The other day when my husband was out of town and my schedule was already maxed out, someone dropped off their kids for me to watch. I was already drowning and felt so dismissed. I am the fallback person. I pick up the loose ends. I’ll make the meal, plan the event, remember to get the ice. People know I’ll say yes, and I do. I want to love well, but I have been hurt. Resentment festers in me. I feel it brewing. I can feel it simmering. Somehow my anger strengthens me. I lick my bitterness; it tastes sweet. I sometimes get satisfaction in nurturing my displeasure. I don’t want to be this kind of a person. As much as I am angry and hurt, I don’t want my pain to poison me.

I confess that my mind takes me down a dark road of revenge. In my suffering, I want others to suffer too, and I become a vengeful victim. I confess I am also tempted to turn my suffering inward. I have a tendency toward self-hate or pushing down my true feelings. I feel frustrated because I should be able to handle my life. I think something must be wrong with me for feeling this way. My resentment turns to bitterness and even entitlement.

For a moment, I allow my feelings of resentment to stay. I resist moving to any sort of action or minimizing what I feel. I let resentment reside in me without trying to resolve it. I feel it and my body tightens. I let all that is with me be as it is. I am aware that I have pain. Using power or assuming powerlessness have not resolved my wounds, but rather further increased them. There must be another way through this.

A Liturgy for When I Feel Resentful

Breathe in—Jesus, Jesus, Jesus . . .
Breathe out—help me bless.

God, I open my heart to You.

I feel resentment.

I feel it in my body, and it gnaws at me.

Search my heart, O God, that I may see the ways resentment has shaped my story.

Where did it come from?

God, I was wronged.
I have been violated and it isn’t right.
I wasn’t cared for, noticed, or considered.
My anger has turned bitter in my soul.

God, You invite me to feel my anger, but not to indulge it.
You invite me to pass through it, but not to become entangled in it.

I am in conflict between who I am and who I want to be.

Allow me to set aside false shame so that I can see the roots of my resentment and the real pain that resides there.

This pain is real.

I allow myself to feel it now.

Sometimes it is hard to feel, see, and name.

But, You, Lord, see my heart. You see my ache. You see the ways I have struggled.

You see what others can’t see.

You, Lord, know what it is like to struggle too.
You were hurt.
You were taken advantage of.
You were mistreated.

I come into Your love and find comfort in knowing I am not alone here.

Help me be curious about my own heart and story.
Help me be kind to and compassionate toward my stinging soul.
Help me find release from the resentment that rattles me.

And if I can’t find relief, Lord, I pray I can receive Your grace for the things I can’t change. I need You here. You see me and all I have done.

I trust that You are healing me even through this ache.
I trust that Your Spirit is deeply at work in my heart.
I trust that You are penning a story from anger to freedom.

With Your grace, help me bless those who have hurt me.
God, help me not to feed my anger with more anger, but please feed my anger with Your love.

I open my anger to You.

I open my heart to the cross.

I breathe.
I find comfort here.
I borrow Your prayer now, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

Lord, hear my prayer.

Living Word

I want to hear from You.

Romans 12:17–21

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.