Exhausted—deep Tiredness That Fuels Anger - The Gift of Anger: A Guide to Follow Your Feelings in Prayer

The Language for Feeling Exhausted

I walked in the house after a long day and looked around. It was a disaster. Trash on the floor, dirty bowls on the table, art projects from last night still on the counter. No one else is aware of the chaos. Even as the kids giggle over a funny video, I can’t engage in their joy because everything inside of me is on fire. I throw my bag down and fumes rage up inside of me. I feel so exhausted that it makes me mad.

I just keep pushing. Frustration permeates all I say and do. My anger is my comfort. My exhaustion overtakes me. I say and do things I regret. I hate this about myself. I hate it. Sometimes I use my exhaustion as an excuse to be lazy. Resentment, bitterness, and a quiet anger boil inside of me. I am afraid that there is no end in sight. I am afraid that life will always be this way. Sometimes I imagine giving up, leaving, and walking away from it all.

For a moment, I let my exhaustion stay. I don’t fight, resist it, or react to it. Instead, I listen to it. I slow down and breathe. I pay attention to my body. I hear my fatigue, heaviness, and this tiredness that I can’t seem to shake. I feel a tightness deep in my bones, back, and chest. Even when I sleep, I don’t feel rested.

I try and try and try, but nothing I do seems to relieve me of my exhaustion. I find little reprieve. Even when I act out in anger, it only makes it worse. I don’t want to attack or withdraw. I don’t want to miss out on a good life. I don’t want to live like this.

A Liturgy for When I Feel Exhausted

Breathe in—Jesus, good shepherd . . .
Breathe out—may I find my rest in You.

I feel exhausted.

I feel it in my body.

I open my heart to You, God.

Reveal to me when in my story I have felt this way before.

God, I am not here by accident.
I am not here by my own misfortune.
I am here because, in Your will, You have allowed it.

I accept that I am powerless to save myself from my circumstances.

I also accept that I am not without power.
For my power, my strength, and my hope come from You.
I return to You now for help.

I’ve been so overwhelmed that it has brought me to a state of exhaustion.
I am nearing a breaking point.
Everything seems to weigh me down, even small tasks.
I’ve been asked to do things beyond my limits.

I feel like I am holding on to a branch that is about ready to snap.
I have so many burdens on my back.
I have to climb up and out.
I am failing.
I am afraid that things will never change.
Pressure presses down on me from every side.

I don’t want to explode.
I don’t want to be resentful.
I don’t want to displace my anger onto people who don’t deserve it.
It is hard not to become bitter, rude, or mean.

God, help me.

God, help me pass through anger and resentment without using them as weapons to gain power.

God, help me turn toward You with the impossible position I am in.

God, help me believe in the good of the journey I am on.
The good is for others in my care, the good is for the spreading of the gospel, the good is for the healing of my own pain.

God, help me endure because I can’t do it on my own anymore.
I can’t carry this cross alone.

It is harder than I imagined.
It is hard to not harbor anger.
It is hard to forgive.
It is hard to let go.
It is hard to relax.
It is hard to surrender.
It is hard to believe that You care about my life more than I do.

As I dangle from this branch, help me see that You are the tree I dangle from.
Your arms endured that lashing, whipping, and slashing of intense suffering.
Your arms fed the five thousand.
Your arms served the disciples.
Your arms became a resting place for those in need of rescue.

You understand exhaustion too.
You took space to be with Your Father when Your soul and body were weary.
May I learn from You how to rest in God’s love.

If it would be Your will, please deliver me from this pain because it is so hard to bear. If my circumstances do not change, may Your grace be enough to sustain me. I pray it would be.

One moment at a time.

What You have entrusted to me, I entrust back to You. I give You my life. Even as weary as I am, may my life be an offering to You.

Lord, hear my prayer.

Living Word

I wait. I listen. I believe the words that You speak are true.

2 Corinthians 1:8–10

For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.