Betrayed—the Result Of Someone Violating Your Trust - The Gift of Anger: A Guide to Follow Your Feelings in Prayer

The Language for Feeling Betrayed

You said you needed a break from our friendship. You needed a little space. When I see you now, you give me the cold shoulder and treat me worse than a stranger. How could you do this to me? How? That one word confounds me. You get to walk away. You get to live your life as though nothing happened. As though we didn’t share something special, you walk away without glancing back. You didn’t even check to see if I was okay. Because I’m not. I’ll never be okay. I am so mad I ever gave you parts of me. How can I just be an afterthought to you? What we had mattered . . . at least to me. Now I am left with the rubbles of what was once beautiful. I am left with the pieces to wedge back together. I am angry that I care as much as I do. I wish I could walk away and wipe my hands of you like you did to me, but I can’t. I trusted you. I feel so betrayed.

I want to inflict my pain on you the way pain was inflicted on me. I want you to hurt as much as I do. I want to believe lies as a way to indulge my feelings of betrayal. I want to figure out how this happened and solve it like a mystery. I collapse into my feelings. I believe that because I feel betrayed, I am betrayed.

For a moment, I pause. I just feel. This is hard. Some experience betrayal often. For me, it has only been a handful of times. Each time my soul has been demolished. I let my pain stay. I feel the fire and the grief and the rage. I release the need to make sense of it. This is where I am. I feel my body. My chest is burning. My heart is racing. I listen. My body never lies.

My feelings of betrayal are a signal that my soul is in desperate need of more care. I try to listen with gentleness, curiosity, and courage. I try to remember that God’s greatest intention for my life is to love me.

A Liturgy for When I Feel Betrayed

Breathe in—O God in heaven . . .
Breathe out—help me.

God, here I am.

I feel betrayed.

I am so deeply hurt.

I let myself feel this in my body.

I pay attention to where I have felt this feeling before.

In my feelings of betrayal, I am tempted in many ways.

I resist trying to figure out my feelings in my mind.
I resist finding comfort by nursing my wound with made-up stories.
I resist feasting on my anger.
I resist bringing harm to others or to myself.

God, where, oh where do I find my refuge from such pain?

There is only one place I can go with my pain that will mend my throbbing spirit.

I come to You.

I come to Your table and find communion because You understand my pain. I feast on the bread of life and not my anger.

I drink the wine of Your grace and not the wine of my revenge.
I commune with You instead of collapsing in on my pain in solitude.
I dine in Your company because You understand what betrayal feels like.

You were betrayed by those who promised to protect You.
You were betrayed by the people You fed, served, and provided for.
You were betrayed by those You healed and helped.
You were betrayed by Your closest friends.

Christ, You know betrayal.
You also knew Your Father’s love.

I bring my raw, oozing, and angry heart before You, God, my Father.
With You, my heart remains broken, but I don’t remain alone.
With You, I believe I will be able to forgive and be free.
With You, I believe this betrayal will not be the end of me, but the beginning of something new.

Though it is painful, I accept that there are things I will never know or understand. I accept that I am powerless to change the past or control the choices of others. God, help me accept the current circumstances of my life with hope, knowing that You will make all things beautiful in Your time.

Help me forgive as I have been forgiven.

Though this pain is excruciating, it is also the place Your love finds me. It is the place where I can make contact with Your love. For this, I give You thanks.

Even when I hurt, my heart will bless Your name.

Living Word

I want to hear from You even when it is hard.

Romans 12:14

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.