Approaching Explosive Issues - End the Stalemate

In every relationship, there are issues that seem too sensitive or explosive to address. Why not just sweep those issues under the relational carpet and move on? The reality is, even if we try to ignore these divisive issues, they don’t seem to fully go away. Latent conflict is a type of conflict that lies beneath the surface, but often negatively impacts all other forms of communication. Have you ever had a disagreement about a seemingly simple issue—leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight—only to find the intensity of the conversation suggests something else is going on? If you have, there was most likely a deeper, or latent issue provoking strong emotions. Thus, explosive issues eventually need to be addressed? But, how?

When approaching explosive issues, try using this simple three-step approach.

Step 1: Approach an issue looking for clarity.

Since we are all busy and don’t have time to research every issue, there is a temptation to let others think for us, such as our favorite podcast host or online news source. The result is we often approach an issue with our mind made up already. While it’s fine to do research, allow the other person to add to your understanding by asking them to explain what they believe and why.

Step 2: Approach an issue with charity.

Once we have clarity on an issue, then we have a choice about how to respond. In today’s argument culture, it is easy to dismiss a foreign idea without giving it a fair hearing. This is especially true when people on “our side” are critical of it. It’s much easier, and safer, to go along with our tribe. Charity means we not only listen but are open to learning from people with whom we disagree. What is the “hint” of truth in what they said?

Step 3: Approach an issue critically.

Our final step is to approach an issue critically. Once we understand an issue clearly and charitably, then we should engage it critically. Scripture certainly teaches us to be on the alert for false ideas. Proverbs 14:15 says, “The simple believes everything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.” It’s ok to push back on a person’s view, but remember tone is everything. “A gentle answer deflects anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NLT).

Why not just address “false ideas” as soon as we encounter them? The ancients suggest that a word spoken at the right time is compared to fine jewelry carefully constructed (Proverbs 25:11). By starting with clarity and charity, we create the right circumstances, or setting for us to productively engage potentially explosive issues. Rather than ignoring them, or driving them underground, we can approach them with both love and truth.

Scripture Passages:

“Only simpletons believe everything they’re told! The prudent carefully consider their steps.” (Proverbs 14:15)

“Timely advice is lovely, like golden apples in a silver basket.” (Proverbs 25:11)

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” (James 1:19)