Voluntary Submission - The Uncommon Marriage Adventure

CORE PRACTICE #6: Wives: Strike the right balance between acceptance and expressing your disappointment when following your husband’s lead in an area where you disagree.

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. —Ephesians 5:22

Lauren

When Tony and I first talked about moving to Minnesota in 1992, we viewed the situation much differently. It was a good opportunity for him professionally since he would become the Vikings’ defensive coordinator; however, I didn’t see how this move would benefit our family. During our three years in Kansas City, we had connected with so many people, and we had found a phenomenal church. The community was an ideal fit for all of us.

In the end, Tony made the decision to accept the position, even though he knew going to Minnesota was not my choice. I felt that we hadn’t discussed the decision sufficiently, nor had we prayed about it enough individually and together. I shared my concerns with Tony.

But ultimately I was ready to follow God’s direction in submitting to what Tony felt was the right decision, honoring him and also demonstrating my love for him in that process. Don’t get me wrong; it wasn’t easy then, and I still consider it to be one of the most difficult times in our marriage.

So I understand why this passage has negative connotations. Whenever someone speaks of or debates this verse, feelings can get intense on both sides.

I believe that’s partly because much of the submission we have witnessed in human history has been forced. People who have been captured by military action or enslaved by others have been required to submit to stay alive. The dominating party has received all the benefits in these one-way relationships to the detriment of those who have had to obey. That’s what most of us think of when we hear the term submission, and we understandably balk at those applications.

However, that is not what the apostle Paul was describing when he wrote this letter to the believers at the church at Ephesus. He was advocating voluntary submission, which occurs when people decide on their own to come under the protection and guidance of another for their benefit. This type of submission forms the whole basis for Christian marriage. The husband voluntarily puts himself under Christ’s direction and guidance, submitting his will to that of Jesus. And the wife likewise puts herself under the direction of Jesus and her husband. When this happens, both parties receive the benefits of following Christ, together.

Remember that Christ lived out submission by following His Father’s will for His life, mission, and purpose. Christ came, ministered to those all around Him, died on the cross for you and for me, and rose from the tomb to assure eternal salvation for all who believe in Him. His sacrifice culminated in the new covenant between God and His people.

When we follow that example in our marriages, not only will we glorify God, but our obedience will allow us to ultimately see the blessings God has for us. As I look back at our years in Minnesota, I see many blessings. For example, I made some wonderful friendships that continue to this day. Tony further established his abilities and experience as an exceptional coach, and our children got to connect and bond with a few of their cousins who lived nearby.

And the next time Tony and I had to decide whether to move, we approached it differently. We had both learned what it meant to honor and submit to each other, so we spent more time deliberating and praying together about our decision. Of course, the fact that we were moving to sunny Florida made it much easier!

Adventure Application: Submission can be a loaded term in our culture. Take a few minutes today to discuss what this word means to you. Do you each feel that the other hears your heart and respects your feelings? If not, godly submission will be tough to practice. How might you begin to practice submission and meeting your spouse where he or she is?