Caught In The Middle - The Uncommon Marriage Adventure

CORE PRACTICE #4: Husbands: Be prepared to love sacrificially.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. —Ephesians 5:25-26

TONY

Long airplane rides. Turbulent, stormy weather. Middle seats in a row of three.

Those are just a few of the hassles that can come with regular airline travel. Because of my coaching jobs, I have done a lot of flying over the years. Lately those trips have included going cross country from our home in Tampa to Oregon to watch our son play football. The window seat is my preference when I travel by myself. To make the trip as pleasant as possible, I see to it that I arrive and check in early, board the plane when called, and then settle into my seat and relax.

But that is only when I fly alone. When I fly with Lauren, all my personal plans and preferences, well, they end up out the window. Because we prefer to sit together, we know that whenever our plane’s seat configuration has rows of three, one of us is going to have to sit in the middle seat. Lauren doesn’t fly as much as I do, but I know how much she loves sitting by the window!

From this vantage point, she can see what is happening on the tarmac below, watch other flights take off and land, make sure—when possible—that our luggage has been loaded, and observe any changes in the weather. Once airborne, she tries to identify locations in the town we just took off from, view the beautiful countryside as the jet soars by, and take in all the gorgeous cloud formations. (And if she wants to sleep, she can put her pillow against the window and not worry about an awkward interaction with a stranger.)

You know what I mean when I say that the middle seat doesn’t offer a lot of privacy. Sitting there can make you feel cramped and uncomfortable. Especially when the person in front of you decides to recline. Taking the middle seat is definitely a sacrifice. And between Lauren and me, it is a sacrifice of love. I think Jesus would be pleased, considering His admonition in the Sermon on the Mount that “if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles” (Matthew 5:40-41, ESV).

I realize that having to give up the window seat for Lauren doesn’t rise anywhere near the examples of sacrifice that Jesus gives. But in all cases, the attitude of our heart determines whether or not we willingly set aside our wants for another. The lesson of the middle seat is simply another way to remember my responsibility to serve others, just as Christ came to serve—not to be served.

Loving sacrificially requires a willingness to surrender every need, every desire, every right, and every position and claim of our own for the good of our spouse or others without begrudging them. God calls upon me to demonstrate sacrificial love to my wife. That simply means that I recognize and put her first in everything—even when it means giving up my window seat.

Adventure Application: How do you define sacrifice? In what ways do you sacrifice and “take the middle seat” so your spouse can feel loved?