The One Single Quality No Conflict Can Be Resolved Without - Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: a 5-day devotional

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8-9, NIV)

Have you ever noticed that life seems to be full of relationship challenges? Just as a conflict with a co-worker gets resolved, a conflict with a child crops up. No sooner does a marital issue get squared away than a mother-in-law issue surfaces. The never-ending potential for conflict can leave us overwhelmed, wondering how should I handle this? Maybe you’re asking this very thing right now.

When we consider how to handle a conflict, most of us think about the action we should take. But the foundational step to dealing with conflict in a God-honoring way is not primarily an action; it’s an attitude.

That attitude is humility.

Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” In 1 Peter 3:8-9, we’re told, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

Of course, all this sounds appealing—doable, even—when our spouse is kind, our co-worker is congenial, our friend is caring, and our fellow Christian is compassionate. But, let any one of these folks treat us in a way we perceive as unkind, uncaring or uncompassionate, and humility isn’t typically the trait that gets triggered. Far from it. We might even think, Humility? There’s no way! Sorry, but I’m not about to let myself get walked all over.

Perhaps this is our gut reaction because we equate humility with weakness rather than strength. When we tether our choice to be humble with humiliation, we’ve fundamentally misunderstood humility. Humility is “strength restrained.” When Spirit-produced inner strength locks arms with Spirit-produced self-control—which is essentially what happens when we choose to be humble—we acquire the wisdom to know when to speak up, when to stand up, and when to shut up.

Biblical humility makes us doorways for conversation, not doormats for exploitation.

Humility is not timidity or insecurity. Humble people speak their minds, share their viewpoints, express their needs, and vocalize dissatisfaction. And yes, humble people even get angry! But the way they speak, share, and express themselves takes other people into account.

A humble person views conflict through the lens of me and you, rather than me versus you.

During our first year of marriage, my husband and I were in the middle of a conflict. I wanted him to see my perspective and he wanted me to see his perspective. Both of us were so intent on getting our point across that neither of us listened to the other. Emotions flared. Words flew. Voices raised. Then, almost out of nowhere, my husband uttered one sentence that completely diffused the argument.

“Donna, I’m on your team.”

Immediately, the anger that had been thick just moments before, dissipated. Tension melted as my muscles relaxed and my brain moved from fight-or-flight mode to a more rational, “we can figure this out” mode. Those four words—I’m on your team-—moved us from “me against you” to “me and you against the problem.”

This is the power of humility; it enables us to handle conflict in a way that helps rather than hurts. Humility makes us doorways, not doormats.

Lord, help me choose to be humble. Where I have been prideful, I choose humility. Where I have avoided necessary conversation, I choose humility. Where I have looked only at the shortcomings of others and haven’t examined myself, I choose humility. First, I humble myself before You, Lord, so I can express that heart attitude in the way I treat others. Amen.