Day 1: When You Feel Like You Don’t Know Who You Are - He Calls You Beloved

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.” Ephesians 1:5 (NLT)

I arrived at my doctor’s appointment and walked up to the front desk to check in, then sat down to update the standard forms. Address correct? Check. Age correct? Check. Medical history accurate? Check. Marital status? Stare at wall.

Two little words stumped me completely. As I sat there in a cold waiting room filled with other patients filling out their forms with ease, tears began to well up in my eyes as it had only been a few short months since my husband of twenty-five years had walked out of my life. I had been thrust into a life of total confusion, chaos and pain and I now had no clue how to answer this seemingly simple question.

Was I single? No. Was I married? No, at least not in the normal sense of the word. Was I divorced? No. Was I widowed? No, although it felt like it. I was none of the options. So … who was I?

A new moan of emptiness echoed in the caverns of my soul. As I held the incomplete forms in hand, I was faced with the reality that I honestly didn’t even know who I was anymore. Insecurities and heartache had wreaked havoc on my self-confidence. The old me was gone, and this new me was now merely existing and trying to survive each day. A new me who was so broken she hadn’t even considered some of the shattered pieces of her life yet. A new me who was now unexpectedly having a full-blown identity crisis in a doctor’s office because she didn’t fit into any normal societal box.

I remember thinking, “who am I now?” and “where do I belong?” Not just on this medical form, but in society, friendships, church and life in general? Who am I, if no longer a “wife?”

As I drove home in silence after my appointment, I stared blankly at the road ahead of me, still struggling with this question of my identity. Yet suddenly the silence was broken when I heard a gentle yet life-changing whisper in my spirit.

“The end of your marriage is not the end of you.”

It was a startling thought which could have only come from God, as He was the only One who knew my state of uncertainty. The only One who knew the depth of my struggle, and therefore the only One who could offer the exact reassurance I so desperately needed to hear. Sweet words which served as a holy reminder that my identity was not determined by a role, a title or a box to check on a form.

I was still me, just a new version of me in a new phase of life. I was still a woman God created in His image. A woman God had a plan and a purpose for, despite life’s disappointments. A woman who still had value, even if someone else couldn’t see it. A woman who was still a mother, daughter, sister, friend, Jesus-girl, author, tennis player, coffee fanatic, beach lover and more.

A woman who was a beloved daughter of the King.

I was reminded by God that although my worldly role/title had changed, my identity in Christ was secure and remained the same, which is the truth Paul shared with the church in Ephesus in the book of Ephesians.

Paul explains in Ephesians 1:5 the new identity given to a person when they are in Christ: “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.” Paul wanted believers to know they would always be chosen, adopted, loved unconditionally, and accepted by God and that it pleased Him to call them his own.

Despite having felt for months that the end of my marriage signified the end of me, I realized I was still the same me God created me to be. I was his. And that was enough.

Lord, help me always remember my identity is found in You alone, and I am Yours, no matter how my life changes. Help me see and love myself as You do. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.