What Are You Leaning On? - Five Questions God Uses to Heal Your Heart (After Heartbreak & Disappointment)

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians 3:12, NIV)

Some years ago, I was sitting in my therapist’s office after a situation with friends that left me feeling rejected and exposed. I remember telling her how much it hurt and how confused I was by how deeply it affected me. She paused and asked a simple question: “What do you want to tell yourself right now?” I didn’t know how to answer. Then she asked another: “What would you say to the little girl inside you who has known this pain before?” (This was an unsurprising question from a therapist who often used a common technique called “younger self” work.) Again, I struggled to find the words.

Sensing my hesitation, she said gently, “And this is what we’ll need to work on moving forward.”

She was right. That moment also revealed something else: the very friends I would normally turn to for comfort were the ones who had hurt me this time. It forced me to realize something unsettling: I needed to learn how to be a safe place for myself, but I didn’t yet know how. I hadn’t learned how to tend to my own heart with God.

Heartbreak and disappointment often tell us that unless we have the perfect friends, the perfect partner, or the perfect timing, we can’t move forward. They whisper, You’re alone now. You don’t have what you need to move forward. When support fails, it’s easy to believe we are stranded.

But while relationships matter deeply, they cannot be the only place we lean. Even good people will disappoint us sometimes. Thankfully, God has designed us to have an inner life that can be strengthened and cared for with Him. We can move forward and heal even when others fall short.

Colossians 3:12 invites us to “clothe ourselves” with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. This verse applies not only to how we treat others, but also how we treat our own hearts. God doesn’t call us to shame our wounds or abandon tender places. He calls us to put on a different posture, one that reflects His care. Psalm 147:3 also reminds us that He heals the brokenhearted. Often, that healing begins as we learn to meet ourselves with His gentleness instead of our own harshness.

Moving from brokenhearted to wholehearted often requires learning to tend to your own wounded places with God. People won’t always be able to carry you. They will love you, but sometimes they will fail you. You need an inner life shaped by God’s compassion so you’re not left empty when your external support system wobbles. God meets us in our inner world, and caring for your inner life is a form of good stewardship.

Do the Work: Today, speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love—or even to the child you once were. Bring your hurt to mind and practice a kinder response than the one you’ve been giving. Ask, What would compassion sound like right now? What would kindness look like? Then practice “clothing yourself” with what God names: compassion, gentleness, and care, at least once today.

Pray: God, teach me to treat my heart the way You do. Help me clothe myself with compassion, kindness, gentleness, and patience. Heal the places that still hurt and show me how to care for my inner life with You instead of turning against myself. Amen.