What Are You Choosing? - Five Questions God Uses to Heal Your Heart (After Heartbreak & Disappointment)

“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:19, NIV)

There was once a season of my life marked by relentless striving. I had been pushing myself harder, faster, and longer than almost everyone around me. I had convinced myself that a certain level of success was the key to my happiness and to the abundant life God had promised. I also began to believe that every time I faced failure or rejection, it was a sign I still had something to prove.

So I worked the long hours, sacrificed weekends, and put my personal life on hold. I’d think to myself, Once I prove myself, everything will be better. Once people see what I’m capable of, I’ll be happy. Once I reach this milestone, I’ll be able to rest.

But no matter how much I gave, the opportunities I hoped for didn’t come. The people I wanted to see me often looked elsewhere. Each time I thought I was finally on the right track, something fell apart. More disappointment landed. More rejection came.

Eventually, I reached a breaking point. I was tired—mentally, emotionally, and physically—and I knew something had to change. I didn’t want to give up on the pursuit of a full, abundant life, but I could tell I couldn’t keep chasing it this way.

So I made a new and conscious choice. Instead of continuing to chase validation from whoever or whatever would offer it, I decided to turn inward and toward God. I stopped doing things for approval and recognition and began doing them simply because I felt called to. I chose to live my life for an audience of One, trusting that if anything needed to happen next, it would.

At first, that choice felt uncomfortable. It didn’t come with any approval or applause. But as I kept showing up to what gave me life, something began to shift. My sense of worth, once tied so tightly to achievement and external validation, started to move inward. I was no longer waiting for the world to tell me I mattered. With God, I decided that I did.

Sometimes the painful patterns we experience are ones we unknowingly invite into our lives. We find ourselves asking, How did I get here again? Why isn’t this working out for me? Will things ever be different, or is this just my luck?

But in moments like these, we may be asking the wrong questions and missing an important point: our choices make a difference. We can’t repeat the same choices and expect different results. New and better experiences in our lives often require making different decisions.

Sometimes life repeatedly tests us. Not to harm or punish us, but to teach us. And sometimes we find ourselves in the very situation we’re desperate to escape because God is giving us an opportunity to make a different choice.

That’s why God’s words in Deuteronomy 30:19 are so powerful: “Now choose life.” This isn’t just about one big, dramatic moment. It’s about the small, daily choices that quietly shape the direction of a life. God sets options before us and lovingly invites us to choose the one that leads to life.

Healing is rarely one heroic decision. More often, it’s a series of small, conscious choices made with God. Cycles of disappointment continue when we make decisions on autopilot—driven by fear, habit, or untrue beliefs about what we need to be okay. But awareness of these patterns creates space to choose differently the next time you find yourself in a familiar situation. And that choice can make all the difference.

Do the work: Today, ask yourself, What is one small, faithful choice I can make right now? Maybe it’s saying no when you usually overextend. Maybe it’s slowing down instead of pushing harder. Maybe it’s choosing rest, honesty, or discernment where you’d normally choose urgency or approval. You don’t need to change everything at once. One new choice can begin a new chapter.

Pray: God, You set life before me, and I want to choose it. Give me wisdom to see where You are inviting me to choose differently, and courage to take the next small step. Help me build a life shaped by Your truth, not my old patterns. Amen.