My Will Versus God’s Will - Be Intentional: Choose Wisely

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16, NIV)

By age 27, all of my friends were married. I had not been on a single date in four years and was starting to panic. I desperately wanted to be married but also desperately wanted to follow God’s will for my life. I was just terrified His will was a life of singleness.

The summer I turned 27 I booked a personal retreat. For several days I hiked, prayed, pondered, and wrestled with my desires. In the end, I laid them down, writing a letter in my journal detailing my willingness to follow Him wherever He chose to lead me. I was filled with peace, my faith was full, and I went home grateful for this spiritual breakthrough.

That peace lasted for about two weeks.

The desire to marry came rushing back with a vengeance and so did the tears. But I knew how to restore my peace—surrender my desires again to God. I quickly surmised that I would need to make this a regular habit, so I began a simple routine. Every morning I would wake up, roll out of bed onto my knees, and pray a version of this prayer:

Lord, please give me a husband. This is my greatest desire. And now I lay this desire down and ask you to use me today in significant and meaningful ways for your Kingdom.

I found that when I began my day by laying down what I wanted and focusing on whatever He wanted for me, I had peace. But choosing His will didn’t mean I had to stuff my dreams down. Scripture addresses this very thing in Hebrews 4:16:

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

I asked God for a husband! I approached him with confidence! But I also knew what I was approaching: God’s throne.

We can’t forget that though we are encouraged to approach Him, we are still approaching His throne. He is still Lord.

Consider your fist as an analogy. Imagine your desire is tucked into the palm of your hand with your fingers tightly wrapped around it. Approaching God with your desire is like extending your fist toward him, while slightly loosening your grip, so he can peek inside and see it. Remembering He is on His throne is the act of fully opening your hand and allowing Him to take it from you. Then, once your hand is open and empty, He can fill it with peace.

I followed that ritual for an entire year (with still no dates!). But that simple act of daily surrender created not only fruitful days, but satisfying days. Contentment was weaving its way into my life. Now, did I still have moments of sadness or longing or jealousy of others? Absolutely! But I was no longer consumed by them. I knew what to do with those emotions—open my fist again.

I began dating my husband on the cusp of turning 28 and we married a year later. A few months into marriage I was unpacking boxes and found the journal from that retreat. I immediately searched for the entry with my letter of surrender and when I found it, I gasped. The date of that letter was the same day as my wedding, two years later. On July 20th I surrendered my desires and on July 20th God gave them to me. But the lessons I learned in between those years were, and still are, invaluable.

I now know that the angst of not having your way can be remedied with a fist that relaxes into an open hand. Peace and contentment are possible.

My will versus God’s will. It’s your choice.

Choose wisely.

Be Intentional: Consider an area you long for and want to see in your life. Pray through Hebrews 4:16 using the fist analogy and refocus your heart on today. Repeat as often as needed.